In my capacity as “judicial assistant” or “courtroom clerk”, I have had the opportunity to meet many sheriffs from the LA County Sheriff’s Department. Sometimes we get into discussions and battles of wits (but not very often; the ones who regularly work around me know better), such as the one yesterday, in which we were arguing about the legal definition of “conspiracy.”

Sheriff: Two or more people is a conspiracy.
Me: I don’t think so. I think it’s six or more people, or maybe four.
Sheriff: It only takes two. Four is the definition of a riot.
Me: I’m pretty sure it’s at least four for a conspiracy. Two people just make co-defendants.

I get on the cell phone to call college roommie, a bar card carrying (almost) attorney, and ask her, “What’s the legal definition of conspiracy?” She responds instantly that it’s two or more people who form an alliance to commit a specific felony.

Me: Damn it!
Sheriff: Why do you even argue with me about this?!
Me: Because I was so sure it was four or six…I remember the legal definition of something being four people…
Sheriff: I told you, it’s “riot.” Four people make a riot. You can’t have a riot with just two people. Two people can incite a riot, but…
Me: [turning to him suddenly] Spell ‘incite.’
Sheriff: What?
Me: Spell it. ‘Incite.’
Sheriff: I-N…S-I-G-H-T.
Me: Nope. That’s insight, like to have specialized knowledge about something. Spell incite.
Sheriff: E-N –?
Me: Nope!
Sheriff: I give up. How do you spell it then?
Me: I-N-C-I-T-E!
Checkmate.

And that, ladies and gentleman, is how you win an argument against a cop. [Curtsy]