Today marks the end of life as I know it. Transitional life. The time bomb was put in place in the first week of the Past, already pre-set to go off May 2, 2005. The Past ended May 2, 2005; the Present began on the same date. Yesterday, June 16, 2005, makes it six weeks to the day. In those six weeks, I had struggled to find myself and to set up my Future life, altho I didn’t know it at the time. Now I have these plans and activities in motion, just waiting for me to be ready.

I drove to work today in silence, surrounded by only my thoughts. I brought my digital camera with me to document the day. I wanted to wear all black and be in comfort clothes, then at the last minute opted for an outfit that was better for my self-esteem. Black and white. Yin and yang. Hope and despair. The death of the phoenix in flames, and from the ashes, a new bird shall rise.

I looked into the jury room and paused in confusion. Cake laid out. Presents. “Your birthday! You didn’t forget, did you?” my court reporter asked. I did indeed forget that they had planned to celebrate my birthday early because of everyone’s vacation plans. The way things fall into place, the symbolism, the precision of it all. Me with my camera, wanting to document my rebirth, dressing for the part.

Chin up, Cindy. Turn those puffy eyes forward. I’m finally done with this phase. Finally.