Sometimes I’m pleasantly surprised by how easy it all feels. Even earlier today I was convinced I am a much better, happier person without a relationship or a man even on the horizon, because men add so much stress that I can’t control or alleviate to my life. And I looked forward to a low-key Friday night by myself. Even hanging out at Outback after work, I wanted to leave the people I was there with and go home so that I can lounge on my couch and finally watch some of those DVDs I haven’t yet unwrapped, while laundry’s going so that I feel productive.
And then there is the reality of now. I am disappointed at the things I miss, and how much I miss them. I want to call, but what is it I can say? “Hi, I wanted to connect with you, but I’m still in the same place and haven’t changed my mind.” What’s the point? I guess it’s progress that I can resist calling at all.
The radio was playing Dr. Dre’s “Nothin’ But A G Thang” on my drive home. It put me back in high school, and I instantly took on the persona of teenager Cindy. What a difference. My biggest misery back then was, “How come this boy I like doesn’t like me back?” I had no idea what a blessing in disguise unrequited love is back then. What can possibly go wrong if one person isn’t interested in the other? I can’t get cheated on, I can’t be lied to, I can’t be disappointed, I can’t be betrayed.
Let’s see if I can get my act together tonight and complete the plan: vacuum, laundry, and yoga.