Mon 18 Jul 2005
I feel lost again, like a leaf that had been torn from a tree. Now that I’m not attached to something large and substantial and rooted, I’m at the mercy of the wind and I feel insecure and scared as I flip and fall and rise arbitrarily. The last time I’d felt this way (10 months ago) and described the blown leaf sensation to someone, he told me, “Or you can choose not to be a leaf. You can be an acorn or a seed, and settle down anywhere you want and grow into your own tree.”
Tonight, those clever words of advice give me little comfort as I grit my teeth against the dread of this weekend.
I don’t know if this lost feeling is from being up late at night or perhaps from being free and not knowing what to do with it. The sorry part is that you had been attached to a tree that was half rotted anyway. Sometimes it takes awhile to find the right person. I just got lucky since I wasn’t even attracted to him when we met.
Erin, are you criticizing the time of my posts? Haha. Well, unfortunately for us women, men who don’t see some chick as attractive initially will likely never be attracted to her. I’ll bet if you asked your husband, he’d tell you he thought you were hot the first time he saw you.
I guess you have a point there. I’m sure that there are a lot more men who think you are much more attractive than you think they are and don’t know how to approach you. He was attracted to me at first sight. He once told me something that you might find helpful: all men are salesmen selling the same product and it’s really up to the woman to decide if she wants to buy or not.
My version of what your husband said is that men have the burden of approaching us, and we have “veto power.”
Yeah you could take it that way. Ultimately the ball is in the woman’s court.