* I watched “Dance With Me” this weekend. Altho I enjoyed the choreography, I was NOT impressed by the presentation of the love story between Vanessa Williams’ Ruby character and Chayanne’s Cuban Rafael character who worked in the dance studio Ruby was competing for. The pivotal scene was set at a finals ballroom dance competition in Las Vegas (Vegas has been popping up EVERYWHERE lately, it’s been making me sick) in which Ruby hooked up w/her old dance partner to compete, and the partner is a jerk but the father of her young son, and at the last dance her legs were cramping and she couldn’t continue anymore but she looked out into the audience and saw Rafael and their eyes met, and she started crying, and he encouraged her by swaying gently to the music as if he were dancing with her and she closed her eyes and imagined she was dancing with Rafael instead of her actual partner. She looked horrific in this scene, really scary, with her mouth open all teethy and her raccoon eyes stage makeup and her shiny tears all messing up her face. But I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed, and I didn’t know why. Cuz I certainly couldn’t relate.

* I also watched some other TV show, a sitcom, I believe, that was so unimpressionable on me that I can’t remember what it was, but there was a declaratory love scene that made me cry. I remember sitting on my couch going, “What is WRONG with me? This is a freaking comedy, for gosh sakes!”

* Driving home from work today, “I Still Believe” played over the radio and I started singing along to it, but soon I welled up and couldn’t continue singing. Just listened to the song with tears running down my cheeks.

* After “I Still Believe,” the radio thought to really bring it up with some R&B song I’ve never really listened to the lyrics before, but basically it’s some girl singing about how she heard a friend calling her name the other day on the street and she turned and was surprised to see someone from her past. They went for lunch and they caught up on each other’s lives, they reminisced about his old habits when he was with her, his bad habits now, and he showed her photos of the girl he’s now with. She thought she was over him but all these feelings came back and she thought to herself, “I’m still not over you,” etc. Does anyone know this song? Anyhow, I cried thru that one, too.

* I keep having very vivid dreams of being involved in a new but very safe, loving, romantic situation with men who are already in my life. It’s very confusing when I wake up.

If I connected the dots, what picture is my subconscious forming here?