On the drive back from Orange last nite, I called my friend Andrae and that ended up being a 1+ hour lecture on how I’m too nice and give too much of myself and need to stop it. He’s right. I’m sick of mind games and don’t care to play them, so I didn’t, but what I did wrong was give too much too quickly (what else is new?). There’s a difference between playing manipulative games with someone else’s mind and simply keeping yourself more discreet to maintain some mystique, he said. It’s like bluffing vs. displaying a poker face and keeping y0ur cards closer to yourself. The reason I didn’t put any effort into creating a mystique is because at this point in my life, I’m tired and I don’t care what people think. If my quick response time makes me appear too available, accessible and desperate, then fine, a Potential can go look for a player elsewhere and not complicate my life. To me it’s just courtesy and honesty. I will, however, listen to Andrae in this as it appeals to my present low tolerance for games: I’m just going to stop my efforts and courtesies. If a Potential is interested enough, he can be a man and step up. If he isn’t and doesn’t, then I haven’t lost a damn thing except trouble in the long run. It’s win-win for me. “It’s not your job to pursue, it’s the guy’s,” Andrae said. “You gotta see the value in your time and yourself.” It’s not like there aren’t people around fighting to get their foot in the door the second they see an opening, none of whom I need. It’s nice to just be open to the possibility and not want for an arbitrary relationship on a physical or emotional level.

I knew there’d be a reason this song has been playing nonstop in my car for the past few weeks:

Someone To Call My Lover– Janet Jackson

Back on the road again
Feeling kinda lonely and
Lookin’ for the right guy
To be mine

Friends say I’m crazy ’cause
Easily I fall in love
Gotta do it differently
This time

(chorus:)
Maybe we’ll meet at a bar
He’ll drive a funky car
Maybe we’ll meet at a club
And fall so deeply in love
He’ll tell me I’m the one
And we’ll have so much fun
I’ll be the girl of his dreams, maybe

(bridge:)
Alright maybe gonna find him today
I gotta get someone to call my lover
Yeah baby come on
Alright baby come and
Pass my way
I gotta get someone to call my lover
Yeah baby come on

I spoil them when I’m in love
Givin’ them what they dream of
Sometimes it’s not a good thing
But I’m blind

I love hard with everything
Giving my all more than they
I’ll take my friends’ advice this time
I’ll do it differently

(chorus and bridge)

My my
Looking for a guy guy
I don’t want him too shy
But he’s gotta have the qualities
That I like in a man
Strong, smart, affectionate
He’s gotta be all for me
And I’ll be too
You’ll see happily

(chorus and bridgex2; chorus and bridge)