Andrae and I had another analytical conversation last nite. Our approaches to beginning relationships are really different, but one thing we do the same is the hunt for red flags in the beginning. This is partly because we both value our singledom so much that before we jump into something (when both of us are in, we are damn committed), we need to make sure it’s worth the changes and efforts in our lives. Instead of being like some people who want a relationship so much that they find excuses for and ignore red flags in order to justify continued dating of someone bad, Andrae and I look for potential reasons/signs to get out.

For me, I think one of the reasons is that I am now so protective of my peace and peace of mind, which is the main beauty of being single and having no one on the brain, having come so close to losing myself and my sanity in the recent past. Another reason is that I am terrified of being hurt like that again.

Sometimes the excuses are easy and large and very legitimate. It brings to mind the thought of “If it’s this bad now in the wee infancy of this relationship, it’s only gonna get worse later.” Other times, it’s more subtle, like a nagging feeling that something is being kept from me. Actually, the latter is the worst because it’s the beginning of the first crack in the foundation, the first brick in a wall that will separate us. I don’t know whether I’m keener from experience, or paranoid because of it.