I just opened a box sent to me from my ex that my Judge brought up from the mail a few minutes ago. He’d called me yesterday to ask whether I’d like Grace’s book P.S. I Love You by Cecilia Ahern (which I’d loaned him when we were still dating, which he’d just finished reading) returned to my home address or work address. I requested it be sent to work so that I’d be here to receive it. He has other books I loaned him, Hamlet and Dracula, but those aren’t as special to me as P.S. I Love You, which arrived with 2 other books Grace had ordered shortly before her death. I remember being at the funeral reception in Justin’s building’s rec room in New York, and Justin had just returned from getting the mail. He opened the large package and when these books came out, he looked suddenly broken. I quickly took them from him and asked to borrow them.

I expected there to be a note of some sort in the box from my ex, and there was. A handwritten letter. But what I didn’t expect, which made tears spring to my eyes, were the 2 boxes of contact lenses. I guess he knew I wouldn’t have found another optometrist yet (since no medical plans offered us has good vision coverage) and he still wanted to take care of me. At least in a professional capacity. Except he didn’t charge for them. So it’s still a favor.

The letter made the tears spill over. In a nutshell, he wrote about how good the book was for him, and how he’s stopped reading my blog because it’s too painful because he still loves me “way too much.” He wished me the best, then closed the letter with a quote from the deceased husband character in the book:
Don’t be afraid to fall in love again
Open your heart and follow where it leads you…
And remember, shoot for the moon…
PS, I will always love you…

This package is a gift in more ways than one. It’s a gift of surprising maturity after meeting so many embittered, immature men after him. It’s a gift of continuing love. And it gave me closure I never even asked for. Even though he will likely never read this, thanks, J, for the peace.