It makes me sad that he hates me so much for leaving what I felt was an irreparable situation. The first year together broke me, made me leave. I think he forgave me for leaving then because he eventually understood all my pain, and paddled hard uphill to show me that if I came back to him, he’d be a better man. I was so hurt from the first year that I wanted never to come back, but despite my starting to date another man, he still won me over because my heart hadn’t left him. We had a couple of decent months, and then I had to know before continuing whether everything I had suspected and that he had denied had been true, because I could not go back into the same relationship it was the first time. My answer was affirmative and for a few stunned weeks, I didn’t know what to do with that. The anger, however, deepened as the level of betrayal and lies over the course of months became clearer, and I could not overcome the anger. He tolerated the anger for a few more weeks, and then I left to save my sanity. What else was there to do? We were killing each other. I had begged him two days after my finding out the truth, to please put my mind at ease about her and show me confirmation that this is still not going on. He refused. I was bewildered that he wanted me to move forward with him on blind trust when the trust was already shattered. I am grateful today that he had refused. He did the right thing; the relationship was over the moment he cheated, and no amount of present proof would change that. It would’ve stalled things, but it would never erase the doubt forever, and there was no way he was willing to pay the price of cheating by giving continual affirmation of his trustworthiness. I probably wouldn’t have believed him for long anyway. Most women never do again. If he had given me that confirmation, I probably would’ve married him and my God, if being betrayed by a boyfriend almost killed me, being betrayed by my husband would definitely have. And what if there were a child involved?

Nevertheless, it makes me sad that what I felt was the “right thing,” no matter how painful it was to do, brings him to such anger for so long. It makes me sad that he is unable to find peace. It makes me sad that he is so enraged that it created an obsession to violate me, to find new ways to cross the line, to “beat me” in some battle existing only in his reality such that he can’t see what he doesn’t want to see.

But, Jaime, all I did was leave.

All I did was leave.