Last nite I dreamt I went to northern Cal to visit a friend, and while hanging with this friend and her friends, a long-lost friend of mine showed up because he knew one of the girls that were there. I jumped down his throat about why he lost contact with me after he went thru all that trouble to find me again and I’d responded and he apologized for not being better about being in touch and said he hopes to hear from me soon and when I wrote back, he never responded again (true in real life). We talked about other things, looked at old photos, reminisced how close we were way back when and how he was my best friend in ’94, I kissed him on the forehead and told him I loved him and probably always will. And when we parted I knew I would never see nor hear from him again. I also never got my answer.

It’s strange how someone could’ve meant the world to you, and never be there at the most important points of your life (like when I moved into my 1st apartment for college, and college graduation, both of which events he’d promised to be at). It’s amazing to see how resilient I was as I kept offering my best to him whenever he needed it, while knowing that when I needed him, he would be absent. I think this is why he’ll resurface here and there, jump thru hoops and connections to find me, offer me a page of apologies, but he is still unable to stabilize his own life, much less remain a constant in mine. Although he came from a good family and had every advantage (he was starting quarterback in high school and graduated from a UC) I’ve never known anyone to get into the type of trouble he’s been in. Not just with the law, but with Asian gangs, upper-echelon mob-business people, and a grab bag of illegal activities so unique that I have yet to see any of his crimes duplicated in any of my court cases.

I hope he’s okay.