I’m still at work for an unknown reason, but I started looking back at my early entries on this thing. In June of 2005, I’d written this post when all my emotional crap came to a head and crashed. I wrote an ode to the future, meaning a letter to my future man, the “good” guy, and I’d posted a poem I wrote in October 24, 2003 when I’d first pleaded for him to come into my life. In October 2003, I was miserable and sad and during a week of nauseating depression, during which I was writing furiously in my journal several times a day (before discovering blogging, obviously) to just stay sane, I had written that poem. I’d always joked with my closest friends when they say that “the right guy’s just around the corner,” that when I finally meet him, I’m gonna kick him in the shin and yell, “WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?! Do you have any idea the kind of HELL I went thru while I was waiting for you to come into my life?!”

Looking back now, Mr. W had walked into my life days after I’d written that poem the first time in 2003. He’d expressed interest, asked me out (he doesn’t remember this, altho he remembers the event we’d seen each other at), and… I turned him down. At that point back then, I’d just finally, after 8 months of torture, officially gotten together with the Cheating Ex, and didn’t want to jeopardize that relationship (not knowing that just days after that, the Cheating Ex would begin to make his nickname-sake).

I’ve often thought back to the first time Mr. W asked me out, and how it felt so wrong back then to say yes. There were superficial issues back then — the age difference, the different points we are at in our lives — that made it hard for me to see him in that romantic way. It really took my being ground thru the wringer after that to make me able to see past what I used to think was important in a man. And when I was ready 3 months after that June entry, Mr. W reappeared, like some uncanny fated chess move, and we clicked in September of 2005. And haven’t stopped clicking.