Tue 28 Feb 2006
I finally listened to other voices in my head today at lunch. I guess telling oneself everything’s okay, everything’s okay, only works for so long until the reality of things is waved in one’s face like a banner, thereby forcing one to confront it, at least in one’s own head. It doesn’t taste very good. And it’s all just very sad, and very tiring.
I don’t listen to the voices in my head nearly as much as I probably should… but recently I’ve been listening to them (they make a lot of sense).. now, it’s actually DOING what they say I should do. That’s another thing.
I’ve learned that if I don’t have the strength to do what they tell me to do, what happens is that I let the poisons eat at me or grow over the relationship like a cancer and suck the life out of everything. At that point, the relationship becomes unsalvageable because I have snapped and become completely numb and don’t care to work on salvaging anything anymore. That works, too.