Last night’s dream:

I received a phone call from Grace. She was gonna come over and visit. Grace! I thought she’d passed away due to leukemia! Or…wait…was that just the prognosis, and not the actual event? I vaguely seem to remember something about a treatment or a misdiagnosis or something…I didn’t want to admit over the phone with her that I thought she’d died because I hadn’t kept up with the news of her health condition. What kind of friend would I be? She came over, and I hugged her, so glad to see her. I may have said something about her ailment, because I felt her tears on my shoulder as she recalled how hard that phase of her life had been. She told me about a turn of events that seemed vaguely familiar, some medical procedure that discovered that she actually didn’t even have leukemia, it was something else that made her sick with symptoms similar to that of leukemia, and they were taking care of that and she was nearly completely recovered. [Interruption: I just realized where I got this memory confusion from. Stevie Wonder’s dog was initially diagnosed with canine leukemia, but through a barrage of tests, they found that it wasn’t leukemia after all, and altho that’s good news, they at the same time weren’t really sure what it was. When Stevie Wonder called me to tell me this most current news, I felt tremendous relief, suddenly followed by, “Wait. Huh? Then what’s going on now? They don’t know?”] So we hung out a bit and chatted, I think her mom — her overjoyed, loving mom — was also there, and an unknown smaller/younger male, who was a family member or a close friend of the family or something. Grace and her mom left, and this male and I were discussing, and then I realized that I distinctly remember knowing that Grace was cremated. I remember Grace’s husband, mother and her close friend who had been at the cremation site had talked about how her husband had removed her ring, but let her bridal bouquet burn with her. I started to see flashes of real-life memory: Grace’s ashes in the palm of my hand as I scattered them in the ocean at her request, at the site where her wedding would have been in Laguna Beach. Her mother standing around the rocky bend from us at beachside, unable to bring herself to watch her daughter being scattered by sister, best friends, husband, father. Altho I wasn’t at the actual cremation, I slowly realized that this girl who acted and looked just like Grace, couldn’t have been Grace. It must’ve been some amazingly convincing robot or advanced hologram. I had no clue who’d try to fool us that way, or why. The boy and I discussed how we couldn’t tell Grace’s mom, look how happy she is to have her daughter back! She’s in complete denial, it’d be not only difficult, but extremely painful, to burst her bubble.

Blech. The whole morning has me rattled and I’m just insecure and feeling…blech. I tried to make myself feel better by putting more effort into my appearance, trying to bring up the confidence level. But still. Blech. I have no idea what the dream means.