In an email conversation with Vanessa earlier about how I’d been perhaps erroneously defining “life” as beginning with the start of marriage and a family, she replies (posted with her express permission):

“I think you are right, starting a family is not the beginning of life, just a piece of the entire journey. I think we live in the times were our “life” role model growing up was for women to be schooled, have a career, have a husband, kids and the house with the white picket fence and then as we matured society’s views were changing, too. Especially, in California. It’s a liberating time of breaking the mold (i.e.. having kids out of wedlock is more common, adoption vs. your own blood, and the choice to not have kids, etc). Which can be a confusing, frustrating and sensitive time for many women? I always think where do I fit in the new mold. Especially, if you are making a decision, and your family wants something else. My Mom and sisters freaked out when I told them I was seriously considering adoption. My Mom said “that’s nice honey and you can have a few of your own.” I guess in the end you need to figure out what makes you happy and go for it. Do you ever notice when someone makes a decision that’s not in the old paradigm of thinking, sure the family’s feature get roughed up, but they eventually get over it and accept whatever decision you make.

One of the best advice I ever received was from [martial arts trainer] when [boyfriend] was being wishy-washy. He told me to stop thinking about the journey (i.e. when it will end, how, etc) and just enjoy the journey.”