I have Paris Hilton’s uppity calypso beat song “Stars are Blind” stuck in my head. When I first heard this song, I wanted to hate it because, come on, it’s Paris Hilton and most women want to hate her. She’s got what we want — nice body, fame, fortune, youth, connections, and oodles of idle time in a life of leisure. We want to resent her because she doesn’t deserve it, doesn’t appreciate it, didn’t earn it. We hate that we have to pause a conversation and wait for our men to regain focus on us when her Carl’s Jr. burger-chomping, car-washing, wet-b0dy commercial played on TV. But I really liked that song when I heard it. It makes me feel bouncy and happy. And hey, at least she’s DOING something productive and making a living.

Her CD comes out today, I think. The reviews slapped her with a back-handed compliment, something to the effect that it wasn’t as bad as expected by all the critics, but that it also fell short on its delivery because like Paris herself, the album had a cotton candy quality of tasting sweet initially and quick fade immediately thereafter. The recurring theme of the album, critics said, is, “I’m hot, I know I’m sexy, everyone wants me.” That’s the theme of many female singers these days (like Fergy of Black Eyed Peas), so I don’t know what the big deal is.

I still think, however, that whomever wrote the song wasn’t a particularly huge fan of hers. I think they wanted to plant some inside jokes at her expense. The most blatant one is that they played up her reputation of promiscuity with the line “If you show me real love, baby, I’ll show you mine.” It alludes to the age-old American scenario of a boy and girl standing across from each other, exploring their physical gender differences and bargaining, “If you show me yours I’ll show you mine.” That endearing image of childhood naivete has since been turned into a dirty inside joke to proposition someone, and now Paris’s line implies, “If you love me, I’ll sleep with you.” But it does still put her in the position of the power female — she has no emotions at risk, and the guy is the one whose heart is vulnerable. She is instead a bee going from flower to flower. Whomever wrote the song didn’t expect Paris to “get it,” and they topped it off by calling the song “Stars are Blind.” Nudge, nudge, wink, wink. We all laugh at the dumb spoiled blonde’s expense.

I must be overcaffeinated to be analyzing a Paris Hilton song. Anyway, I like the beat and I still think it’s great she’s working. For now,

I don’t mind spending some time
Just hanging here with you
Cuz I don’t find too many guys
That treat me like you do
Those other guys all wanna take me for a ride
But when I walk their talk is suicide
Some people never get beyond their stupid pride
But you can see the real me inside
And I’m satisfied, oh no, ohh

Even though the gods are crazy
Even though the stars are blind
If you show me real love baby
I’ll show you mine

I can make you nice and naughty
Be the devil and angel too
Got a heart and soul and body
Let’s see what this love can do
Baby i’m perfect for you

My love, ohh oh

I could be your confidante
Just one of your girlfriends
But I know that love’s what you want
If tomorrow the world ends
Why shouldn’t we be with the one we really love?
Now tell me who have you been dreaming of
At night at home? oh no, ohh

Even though the gods are crazy
Even though the stars are blind
If you show me real love baby
I’ll show you mine

I can make you nice and naughty
Be the devil and angel too
Got a heart and soul and body
Let’s see what this love can do
Baby i’m perfect for you

Excuse me for feeling
This moment is critical
Might be me feeling
It could get physical, oh no, no no

Even though the gods are crazy
Even though the stars are blind
If you show me real love baby
I’ll show you mine

I can make you nice and naughty
Be the devil and angel too
Got a heart and soul and body
Let’s see what this love can do
Let’s see what this love can do
Baby I’m perfect for you

Baby I’m perfect for you

Even though the gods are crazy

Even though the stars are blind

Even though the gods are crazy

Even though the stars are blind