On the drive in to work this morning, radio personality (and American Idol host) Ryan Seacrest kept throwing out teasers, saying that after the commercial break, he and his co-host Ellen K. will tell us about something you can do that’d get you out of any relationship dog house, it’s something so ingenius that even if you were on massive negative points, this one thing alone would put you back in the positive.

So I waited through many commercials. They returned. Ryan again said that this great idea is coming up to put you way ahead in the relationship game. They played a song. I waited. And then finally, the promised idea when I was already in the parking structure…

Ryan told us about a guy (presumably friend) who’s just tired of seeing his boyfriend’s car all dirty. The boyfriend wouldn’t clean out or wash the car. So one day when the boyfriend was out without his car, Ryan’s friend, at Ellen’s advice, took the car keys, drove the car out and had it washed, he filled the car up with gas, and then drove it back home. When the boyfriend came home and saw the sparkling car on the driveway, he was in enraptured joyous shock for 24 hours. “You cleaned my car? You took the keys, drove it out and had it washed? AND you put gas in it?” Impliedly Ryan’s friend got real lucky that day and night. “It’s so simple! It’ll solve all your relationship problems and put you way ahead in the positive! All the chocolates and flowers you can get don’t compare to this,” Ryan said. Ellen said, “See, and it’s something relatively effortless but it’s something that most people wouldn’t even think of. There’s just something about people and their cars.”

My reaction: :/

I imagined coming home and seeing that my car’s been suddenly washed. After the initial shock of disbelief, I’d freak out like so: “You washed my car? You TOOK my friggen keys, you DROVE my car out someplace, and HAD IT WASHED?! Where the HELL did you take it, some freaking automated carwash where they scratched my car to death with spinning sandpaper??? GIMME THE DAMN FLUORESCENT LIGHT! I wanna see how badly it’s scratched! DAMN this! Now I have to Zaino it with Z5 Scratch Remover! You better PRAY this sh!t comes out with 3 layers of Z5 polish! I’m probably gonna end up spending my entire freaking weekend claybar-ing it, too! Don’t look at me! Just…go away!!!”

But then I’m not your usual girl.