My gym trainee gave me my xmas present yesterday. She’d bought me a white belly dancing outfit (halter and hip scarf), jingling with coins. It’s really cute, except that the hip scarf, even tied all the way in as far as the embroidery and coins hanging off of it allow me, is too big. I jingle a little bit, do a few hip lifts, and it falls down. That reminded me of another piece of clothing she picked up for me some time ago. Everyone knows I’m a huge fan of Happy Bunny. So she picked up a t-shirt with Happy Bunny in front saying, “Okay, I’m perfect. Stop staring.” It’s a funny shirt, but I’ve never worn it. I’ve worn many other Happy Bunny things, a tanktop Vanessa got me that says “Makeover? You need to be run over.” (I didn’t really get the meaning until it hit me at the end of the day in Disneyland when I’d been wearing it all day.) My Happy Bunny keychain says “Me. Just like you. Only better.” I have a long-sleeved hoodie where he says “Please make the stupid people shut up.” But I can’t bring myself to wear the “I’m perfect” t-shirt because, well, I’m afraid that people would judge me. Like, they’d look at the shirt, then look at me, and snort, “Perfect? Pshh, she’s fat and ugly.” Whereas if I weren’t wearing an obnoxious shirt, they may think I’m kinda cute. It’s kinda like if you drove up behind a car that had a license plate frame that says, “My other ride is your boyfriend,” or “Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful,” or “The queen as arrived,” or “Hot Chick”, you wanna drive up and look in the window, and then you have this elevated expectation of the person’s hotness and you’re always disappointed, right?

Am I crazy?