Fri 10 Aug 2007
And P.S…. Stop trying to change him. It doesn’t matter what his hurtful behaviors are. He hasn’t changed YET despite seeing how he hurts you, what makes you think he will just cuz you nag him? It doesn’t matter whether he changes or not. Just let him, and all his issues, be somebody else’s problem, cuz YOU are gonna be the one that was smart enough to get out.
i agree – you really can’t change someone. especially somone who doesn’t want to or doesn’t see that they need to. walking away is best…and wiping the hands clean 🙂
I saw the light in a prior relationship when I realized I was trying to correct the boyfriend’s parents’ parenting failure. Suddenly it was like, “Wait a minute. WHY should *I* spend all this time helping him with his essays, making sure his homework’s done, trying to get his units in order so that he can transfer to a decent college, making sure he eats right, stops hanging out with hoodlums at all hours of the night getting drunk, stops smoking, cleans his room, etc.?! I’m not his mother! I don’t even HAVE kids!” So anyway…
WOW you are really on your soap box about this. I’m in the same boat with a friend who won’t walk away. She knows she is stupid and admittedly says so. She just keeps asking me if I think he’s a “GOOD” person. Well, hell no!! He just screwed his soon to be wife last night and came over a few hours later and dipped his ladle into you. Oh these girls piss me off!!!
Your friend is the affair, and knowing this, knowing that he’s not gonna leave his fiance for her, she’s still sticking around?
The “He’s still a good person, right?” is that thing I was talking about, digging deep looking for an excuse, lame and desperate as the excuse is, to justify her sticking around. It’s pretty bad when the only thing she has is “He’s a good person, right?” How basic is that? She may as well say, “But he’s a breathing human, right?” Cuz the answer to whether he’s a good person is, NO! I agree with you! Who can do that and sleep at night?! What ELSE is he capable of, then?
But what I’ve also learned, Flat Coke, is that you can’t force someone to leave someone else. She knows how you feel, and the rest is up to her until she makes the decision to leave him, and then you can step in for support. Otherwise, they just end up shooting the messenger (you) and all of a sudden you’re out a friend. Everyone has their “fed up” point, and she for some reason just isn’t at hers yet, and there’s nothing any outsider can do about that.
I am hoping she doesnt turn on me…I worry about that. I hope she gets to her fed up point soon. Oh and I meant soon to be EX wife in my comment earlier. He’s been telling the soon to be ex wife he hasn’t seen my friend in a year. And telling my friend he hasn’t seen his ex in that long with the exception of visitation to pick up his kid. Turns out he’s been screwing BOTH of them (literally) within hours for the past year. It’s a mess.
I hope I can offer sound advice but you’re right. Girls won’t leave bc other girls tell them they can do better.