Obviously Mr. W’s thinking and the way he handled things at Cirque didn’t and doesn’t sit well with me. So I’ve been analyzing him and his actions in some still-unsuccessful attempt to force things to make sense, as if a Looney Tunes light bulb would suddenly light on top of my head and all the pieces would fit properly again and we’d be back to the happy picture we were just days ago.

So far I’ve had two theories going…
1) He doesn’t understand and therefore doesn’t respond to cultural social cues.
He did say on more than one occasion that he’s “antisocial” because he doesn’t know how to act in a public environment and prefers to be “a loner” and is a “social retard.” So maybe he didn’t get just HOW some guy confronting a strange girl with “is that a PROBLEM?” or pointing at the girl while saying “shut up” repeatedly is offensive, so he didn’t respond the way everyone else instantly did upon reading about it. In other words, others may see the actions and hear the words and say, “Them’s fightin’ words!” whereas he just sees them as neutral responses from some guy. He also doesn’t understand how shushing your girl is condescending in general, and when that shushing is done in front of strangers who are verbally attacking her when she’s just holding her own, it becomes — yes, I’ll say it — a public betrayal. (I just got a mental picture of him rolling his eyes at the dramatic way I characterized it.)

This theory was making sense, until I asked him some questions about it in a roundabout way yesterday when he called me after work to ask me to go over for the weekend. Turned out, he DOES know when a stranger may be silently, on body language alone, challenging him to a fight, stuff like that. But he says those societal cues are stupid and if some guy eyed him down trying to trigger a fight, he’d just ignore the guy and break eye contact. He said it’s stupid to go along with some stranger’s challenge because he broke a guy’s nose at a bar once and has since regretted it. Except when he’s at work, he says, and people challenge him or get difficult and bickerish, he’d verbally and sternly nip it in the bud right away and if the challenger refuses to be nipped, “then I’d jack him up.” Okay, so he DOES know, and he IS willing to get on the defensive to a challenger. Then why doesn’t he do it to protect ME? Which brings me to theory #2:

2) He has to do it so much at work as part of his job in a type of work environment that’s aggressive and bickerish, where he may constantly have his authority challenged, that he’s just sick of having to put out fires when he’s NOT at work. So he’d prefer to sink into the extreme side of complacent and low-key when he’s among strangers outside of his job.

I guess I can see #2 making sense. But I haven’t had the opportunity to run #2 by him so I don’t know for sure. Even if I did run #2 by him, he likely wouldn’t know cuz he doesn’t analyze himself or his actions much, and okay, NOBODY analyzes people like ME unless they’re getting paid or are writing research papers.

When I was running #1 by him on the phone last nite, altho he played along for a little bit, he did get irritated again because he said he didn’t want to go over the Cirque episode yet again. I told him I’m not trying to rehash, I’m just trying to understand elements of his behaviors. He said fine, if I really want to talk about that, then “we can talk about it tomorrow.” So to thank him for agreeing to open up the discussion forum, I finally agreed to see “Beowulf” in 3-D with him at the Imax this morning. He’s been on my ass to see it with him for awhile, and I’d refused to because I don’t want a cent of my hard-earned money to go toward supporting the posterchild for dysfunction, angelina jolie.

So anyway, this morning, we dropped my car off at the dealer for an oil change (I’m used to my cousin, a Honda specialist, doing the oil changes for my Accord for $24. So when I picked up my Lexus at the dealership an hour ago and $170+ later, I decided to never get servicing done at the dealer again. Now I know, and at least I got a free carwash out of it.), had breakfast at an early-opening sportsbar/restaurant, watched “Beowulf,” went to Costco so he could buy groceries, came back, watched “1407” on DVD, I picked up my car, and he still didn’t bring up talking, and I was sullen the whole day. I found myself wondering, “Am I just deliberately hanging onto this anger? And if I am, then why am I? Why can’t I just see it as, he did something that pissed me off, he didn’t piss me off on purpose and was trying to do what he felt was the right thing, I let him have it about how crappily I felt he handled the situation, and he has since then agreed to ‘try to consider my feelings over his training and instinct’ the next time, so what else am I to expect? What else is there to talk about?” Should I just let it go at this point? Oh, I forgot to mention, that earlier he tried to drag me into his bed to nap with him, and I asked if he was really sleepy, he said yes. I got up and said I’d let him sleep, and then he offered, “Fine. Talk.” I said I learned never to have “a talk” with a man when he’s either hungry or sleepy, and that being said, I left him to his nap and came up here to blog.

Man, it’s too bad you guys don’t read my blog much on the weekends. *waiting by the computer for comments*

P.S. It’s been a long time since I’ve been a little crazy, thanks for indulging me. But I am nowhere near as crazy as I or another girl out there could be…