Mon 2 Jun 2008
Ya Can’t Do That to the Bride!
Posted by cindy under Wedding Memories , Work Crap at 8:33 pm[5] Comments
I’ll do my weekend update tomorrow or when I can figure out why the photos aren’t loading. But for now…do you guys wanna hear something weird? Well, of course you do, that’s why blogs exist.
I’m learning about odd things that are strangely lacking “out there,” things that you’d think would go without saying, such as if the bride gives you free reign to pick whatever dress you’d like for your bridesmaid dress, she shouldn’t have to specify that you’re not to pick a bridal dress. Today, it had to do with the propriety of bringing dates to someone’s wedding. We’ve told everyone that it’s a very small venue and that guest count is extremely limited. We’re not able to accommodate our invitees bringing a date unless the date is the invitee’s significant other whom we’re friends with or have at least met, or if it’s a spouse. Not just some person to tag along or whom they just started seeing. Well, I asked a coworker last week (whom I know had ended a long-term live-in relationship) for his mailing address, and then I said just sort of aside that the invite is going just out to him, right? He’s not bringing his son. He paused and said thoughtfully, “Mmm, gimme a couple of weeks. I’ll let ya know if I’m bringing someone.”
“What? Are you dating someone?” I asked. Altho we coworkers usually know when he’s seeing someone, this is the first I’ve heard of this.
“Yeah, pretty recently. I’m not sure how it’s going yet, so I don’t wanna –”
“I totally understand,” I said quickly. “I can’t tell you how many friends I’ve had who made plans with someone they didn’t know very well cuz they’re in the honeymoon stage and then months later they kick themselves cuz they’re trying to get rid of him and they’re now stuck with plans they made a long time ago.”
He laughed. “Yeah…plus she may not even feel comfortable going. I know you guys are tight on space, so I’ll let you know.”
Turns out the reason he was unsure wasn’t because he didn’t know whether he wanted to keep dating this girl. It was quite the opposite. Cuz some days later he came to me and said, “Hey, I talked to her about going to your wedding and she said yes! I told her where it was and she’s really excited. So put me down for two.”
“Really?” I said, “You’re pretty secure that you’ll still be dating her in 3 months?”
“Well, I asked her to move in with me and she said yes! That’s why I wasn’t sure the other day whether you ought to include her or not, cuz she hadn’t given me her answer yet.” He was glowing. So since this seemed serious, I asked him about her. He would tell me nothing but, “Well…I’ll show you her picture.”
“So what are you saying, she’s so hot that you’ll overlook all your reservations?”
“No, I wouldn’t say I overlooked any reservations…but I do think she’s pr-etty attractive…”
So there’s my only guest (Mr. W has one, too, who sprung this on him also; it’s actually the guy we went to China with) who’s bringing a “date” who’s just a “date” to our wedding, nobody I know, doesn’t even seem like someone he knows well. OR SO I THOUGHT. Now here’s the strange part.
I emailed this coworker today and asked for the soon-to-be live-in girlfriend’s name so that I could put it on the wedding invitation. He called and told me to just put “and Guest.” I said it’s kinda bad etiquette to put “and Guest” when we know specifically who he’s bringing, plus I don’t want people to think I’m allowing invitees to just bring a guest and start asking if they could bring a friend or some random person that we’ll have to pay for and who is possibly taking the seat away from someone who actually IS a friend or a distant family member. He still was really hesitant to give me a name. When I asked why, he said that SHE wanted to “surprise me” and didn’t want him to tell me who she is. What? “What are you talking about? Why would that surprise me?”
“She thinks she knows you.”
“What? From where?”
“I’m not sure. But she doesn’t want me to tell you who she is and she said she wanted to surprise you.”
“You can’t do that to the bride! That’s not cool. We can’t have a wedding with some x-factor running around out there!”
He apparently liked that term, and said laughingly, “Yeah, x-factor! Just look at it that way! She’s a surprise x-factor!”
“That’s NOT cool! Why would she think she knows me? What if we had some past bad blood or something? Am I gonna see her at the wedding and recognize her as the girl who my ex had cheated on me with or something?” My mind was reeling with the possibilities. It just seemed really unkosher and tacky to me. You don’t play games with someone’s wedding! It’s just…not cool! I mean, if my fiance wants to “surprise” me with someone, that’s acceptable, I’ll trust him. But some random girl?!
“I’m sure you guys don’t have a past history of bad blood,” he reassured me. “I would never in a million years bring someone to your wedding that had that kind of history with you.”
I pushed him for more answers and got out of him that it’s not someone who was a peer, i.e. not someone my age whom I’d gone to school with. He said she’s 10 years younger than him so that’d make her about 15 years older than me, someone in her mid-40s. He was vague on how she specifically knew me, he said he thought she believed she knew me from when she’d been in the courthouse some time before. So I started wondering if this was someone I’d trained in the past. But people whom I’ve trained, he would know for a fact knew me, he wouldn’t be unsure, only going by her belief that she knew me and that I would recognize her. Might this be an old co-worker who transferred out a long time ago? I can’t imagine who.
So I finally said accusingly, “You said you were gonna show me a picture of her!”
“Oh, that’s right, I did. Okay, I’ll bring it in tomorrow, it’s on my digital camera.”
“So if I look at the photo and I know for sure whether I know her or she’s mistaken, then will you tell me her name to put on the invitation?”
“Okay.”
I guess the mystery will be solved tomorrow.
I am not a fan of surprises, so this would make me a lil pissed rather then excited. Hope you recognize the person and there is no bad blood!
this entire post rubbed me the wrong way, but u know how much a nazi i was about having people bring guests – and then on top of it he’s not telling u her name? i mean if he’s gonna show u a picture, he might as well tell u her name. i just hate mind-games like that!!!
i don’t know why i’m so super sensitive about the whole thing, but i really believe if u know the circumstances of the small venue and you’re dating someone totally brand new whom neither the bride/groom have ever met, u wouldn’t impose that on the bride/groom. GAWD!!!
wow i just realized busykitty was pissed about it too! haha.
eeks…hopefully this gal is someone you like!???? I’m not sure he went about it the right way, but I’m assuming you trust him well enough to go with the ex factor and see who shows up? at least he has a picture of her, so you’ll know!???
The day should be STRESS FREE not wondering who the mystery x-factor guest might be. Doesn’t he want you to be focused on the wedding and happiness? I’d be pissed therefore I hope you find out who she is tomorrow!!
I’m glad I’m not just being anal, and that you guys see this as an inappropriate oddity, too! I’m gonna post about what happened today.