I was in my dark place this morning driving to work, as the various demises of relationships past played in my head. It seems the beginning of the end consistently had the factor of disappointment in it. By that I mean, disappointment becomes predictable, then expected, then proven true. The issues were different, of course. To oversimplify, one lied about everything, where he was, what he did, his past (issue=integrity); another always threw me aside for his friends (issue=priority); a third did a combination of the last two but took it up a level as the lies were covering up extremely hurtful things he did while with his friends (issues=integrity, priority, morality); a fourth flaked on me all the time, both in calls and activities (issues=consideration, priority).

My relationship bible for a period was Greg Behrendt’s book “He’s Just Not That Into You.” I’ve quoted from it to girlfriends often, when they go through their relationship crap. “He’s just not that into you if he doesn’t call,” one chapter explained. In this world of electronic leashes, each person has various means of accessibility at virtually any given time in the day. Right now, for example, you’d get a hold of me if you comment on this blog, call my desk phone, call my cell phone, email me through my work, email me through my personal email, text message me. I’d also get automatic email notification if you write a message to me through any of three social networking websites. In this day and age, people have so much access to communication tools that their asses accidentally call other people while sitting on their cell phones. So don’t tell me you had zero time in a 4-day period to make one phone call if you gave a shit about me and meant it when you said you want a relationship to work, because all I know is that despite being accused of not trying, my efforts had been met with slaps and denials, and one tiny small effort on the other side that could have been taken, was not. It’d been previously discussed, it would’ve cost nothing, taken up almost no time, and it would have meant everything. (issues=effort, communication, connectivity)

Running off for 4 days and not calling is not the same severity as lying, cheating or even flaking but I crumpled just the same because all of these things trace back to the same state of mind. That is, I am not important enough to be afforded the courtesy of connectivity, even when things are on the brink of collapse.

And, he does not miss me.