Thu 7 May 2009
I’ve stopped sleeping well. When the TV goes off, or when the room goes quiet, or when visual stimuli go away such as when the lights go down or my eyes close, or when my dreams stop and my consciousness returns, my mind is crowded. In the past 24 hours, the usual crowding has acquired a soundtrack: Bryan Adams’ “Please Forgive Me.” So I finally looked up the lyrics today. :/
I need the strength to stop seeing things that bother me. I need the mental and emotional stability to see those things and not be affected. I need to regain the larger-picture heaven-down perspective of life that I used to access.
Or maybe I just need to get away.
No, that probably wouldn’t work; I’m as away as I can be right now, in the Dominican Republic, clad in a bikini top and denim shorts in the VIP lounge of a top-rated resort, I finally debloated so I’m comfortable (relatively) in my skin, and what am I doing? Blogging my mental issues. =P
I’m not sure what the solution is. Therapy, maybe. The yellows seem to be fleeting these days. It takes work and tremendous effort in silencing the head to bring them to the foreground, and only a careless slip caused by lack of concentration, a scent, a sound, a written word, a view, a song, for the dark blanket to settle over me.
I’m fine, I’m fine.
Okay, I’m working on it.
You will never stop seeing things that bother you. They will grow larger and until they become the proverbial albatross around your neck.
Either find peace with those things or change them. Peace is harder to come by as it takes work. Sometimes it requires pollyanna behavior. Whatever your decision, find a solution or it will become a cancer that consumes you.
Naturally I had to look up Bryan Admas’ song because I am terrible with names. Once I looked it up I instantly has the song in my head and now it won’t go away.
Sounds like you need to attend jujitsu again 🙂 Maybe we both should. It’s a great stree reliver and I remember coming home and sleeping like a baby. I think trying to look at everything objectively will help you. Kepp your chin up and enjoy the rest of your vacay! How often are you in the D.R? Live it up… or at least try to 🙂
Dodo is good. I just stopped by during lunch and he was his meowing cute self. I left a radio upstairs and downstairs on so he would have some white noise. No eye flare ups.
yesterday i was traveling for work. i think i may have seen u online for a short period. i know how it feels to be on vacay w/ thoughts somewhere else. *hug*
Wow sounds like you’ve been thinking a lot on your trip!
And there’s that albatross again! lol
The things that bother you–you may not understand them but you do have to accept them. If you do not accept them, you must remove yourself from the situation. Otherwise you have doubled the problem.
Thomas Conway – I immediately thought of Tim Conway. Wrong guy.
What you’re describing has proven both true and untrue in my history. Some grains of sand tumble around for awhile and over time lose their sharp edges. They’re still there, but have become sanded down and relatively ineffective as irritants. Other grains rub me raw and my sensitivity to those grains become exponential until I HAVE to dump the shoe.
I like peace, and having once lost that internal peace (which I think I may have told you about, altho not in detail), have become protective of it to a fault. And that is wherefrom this post was borne, actually.
What you say is the crux of it; I don’t yet know whether to make peace with it or change it.
busykitty – Sorry about the song implantation! Sometimes I think electroshock therapy would be a good thing for me.
I was just thinking on the plane today, on my way back, that I need to pick up jujitsu and/or bellydancing again. We do have both “uniforms.” I’d like to regain use of that beautiful large dancing scarf you gave me. “Around the world!”
I did try very hard to enjoy my D.R. vacay. Didja notice how my color is totally different now? =)
Thank you so much for the transportation from LAX home, and for the week-long Dodo care! *hugs*
anny – it SUCKED! But it wasn’t all bad; I managed to make some pretty unexpected progress in some areas. And I’m not just referring to the half-nekkid beach tanning.
James – I know, I’m not happy about that. Even when I escape I can’t escape. =P And yeah, I still picture a giant sea bird when I hear “albatross.”
Flat Coke – I am pretty good at physically removing myself from hurtful situations. Sound advice, thank you!
You’re welcome!It was fun watching Dodo and getting gardening/yard ideas for our new place. I think Dodo is seriously addicted to ice! haha! I guess there is far worst things to be addidcted to.