It’s not even 10:30 in the morning this sunny Sunday, and I’m ready to cry or puke or both.

The hubby had complained of a sore throat early last week, but thought it was due to his work building flooding (busted water pipe, seeped down 3 floors and apparently the building had to be evacuated for awhile) and whatever genius’ solution it was to put up giant fans all over the place to dry up the carpeting. Old building + mildew/mold spores + dust + fans = messed up throat and hacking. It didn’t get better, and he started coughing more and has been blowing his nose like crazy. So we thought, secondary infection due to earlier allergic reaction? And then I found out that lots of people from his building are sick and there’s something going around. So now we’re scared he’s actually sick and the baby is going to catch it. He said it’s horrible, it’s a head cold and feels like it’s settled into his chest. He can’t breathe and has a headache, so if that hits Allie, she wouldn’t be able to breastfeed or suck on a pacifier. Plus she’s so young and I don’t know how her immune system would combat something like this. I know Mr. W is pretty miserable.

Also, living with the stepdaughter has become very hard on me. She’s an easy-going wonderful person and just does her own thing, but her own thing isn’t very compatible with the life I now have because of a newborn. For example, she invited friends over without telling us. It was something I just sorta dealt with before because that’s how her parents have allowed it, but one time I was in the living room breastfeeding and a car pulled up and a guy walked up to our front door. If the door opens, I have nowhere to hide and my boob was hanging out. I freaked. Mr. W told her someone was at the door and asked if she knew about it; turned out she’d invited this guy over but didn’t tell us. She went and got him and let him in through the garage straight into her bedroom so that his path didn’t cross the living room, but I was really upset. Mr. W and I fought about it, his feeling was that her life shouldn’t have to change just for me because she lives here, too and has a “right” to have her friends over; I felt that she should’ve had the courtesy to get permission or give a heads up. He agreed I could talk to her, so I did. She was very understanding and we agreed she didn’t need permission per se, but should let us know. She’s held that up without exception since.
But other things she’s not aware of are harder for me to deal with, such as her noise level; she’s not aware of how much her voice on the phone or her doing things in the kitchen carries up the house. She comes home late, enters through the garage, and the garage door opening/closing underneath Allie’s room makes me jump and sometimes makes the baby jump. Mr. W said altho she parks in the driveway, it’s easier to come in through the garage because she doesn’t have to worry about finding her housekeys. I’ve never said anything to her about the garage thing, but because having a new baby makes new moms very light sleepers, I keep being woken up and would check the baby monitor to make sure Allie either didn’t wake up, or would go back to sleep on her own.
Last night, the baby went to sleep at around 9pm. The house was dark, Mr. W was asleep in bed and I was next to him, trying to fall asleep. As I was finally starting to doze off, the garage door opened and I jumped and woke up. It was about 10:15pm and the stepdaughter had come home. Then 10 minutes later, I heard her start doing laundry! I was livid. The washing machine was so noisy and I know that Allie, if napping, would always wake up and jump when the washing machine changed phases from spin to wash. I sat there a few minutes in disbelief and checked the baby monitor. I saw Allie kick around when the machine started to spin, and when it got REALLY loud, I stormed downstairs and turned off the washer. The stepdaughter opened her bedroom door and walked out to see what was going on. I said, my voice actually shaking with anger, “Can we not do laundry this late?”
She said, “It’s only 10:30!”
That made me see red. I told her “only 10:30” may be early by the hours she keeps, and that’s fine, but when she’s in a household where everyone’s asleep, the house is dark, and there’s a baby that she knows is put to sleep early and is a light sleeper, 10:30 is too late to be making this much noise. It keeps me from sleeping and I already don’t get enough sleep as it is. I was going to have to get up for a 2am feeding soon, I’m trying to sleep in between, and I have to get up early. I’m unable to nap in the day. She said that she HAS to do the laundry now because she has an event early in the morning she has to attend while wearing a uniform she’s washing. I said she should’ve washed that uniform earlier. She said she wasn’t home earlier (well, duh). I said she could’ve done it before she went out. And really, she could’ve come home earlier, or done it yesterday. But I see that she’s right, because she procrastinated, she HAS to get the laundry done right now, so I turned the washing machine back on. But I was really, really pissed. I told her I understood what she’s saying about the uniform, fine, but this is causing me to not be able to sleep. She apologized, and then I apologized for my tone. I told her to ignore my tone, I’m just really angry right now. Implicit was the message to not ignore my words.
After I went back to bed, I still laid there unable to sleep, hearing the squeaking, rumbling, rushing, humming of the washing machine. Mr. W rolled over and said, “If you weren’t so neurotic you could get to sleep! The baby’s fine, and you already addressed it, so just go to sleep!” I nearly hit the roof. There’s noise downstairs that shouldn’t be occurring, and it was keeping me from the few valuable hours of sleep I could get, and I’m NEUROTIC for being unable to sleep through it? I turned on the TV in the bedroom for the first time since Allie’s been born. The TV used to put me to sleep but I haven’t watched it in my insomnia times out of consideration to Mr. W because the TV keeps him from sleeping well. Mr. W grabbed some pillows and went to sleep downstairs on the couch. Seeing Allie kick around on the baby monitor, I was afraid the TV was still getting to her room so I turned it off and eventually fell asleep. I had nightmares of Mr. W and I fighting, of him asking me something and my response being just to give him the bird. And then in the nightmare, I realize, if we were out there fighting, who’s watching the baby? I rushed back to the hotel room where the baby was sleeping and saw paramedics coming out, bringing people on stretchers covered with white sheets from head to toe. I was relieved to see there was no baby-sized shape on any stretcher. And then I woke up at 4am hearing the stepdaughter turn on the clothes dryer.

This morning I explained to Mr. W that biologically, a new mother becomes a light sleeper. It’s hard enough being sleep-deprived and caring for a newborn, but it’s harder when I have to deal with another person who keeps late hours and does things that are incompatible with the new life I have to lead. I realize she didn’t change, but I had to, and it’s not working well for me. It’s an additional stressor that none of my other friends with newborns have to worry about. On top of that, when he tells me it’s my problem and calls me neurotic, it makes it even more stressful for me. He looked angry, but didn’t say anything. I just wanted him to understand and to not insult me and call me names when I’m already down.

Weirdly, Allie skipped her middle-of-the-night feeding last night and after her 7:40p feeding, the next time she ate was 5:40a. I guess she really was tired or something. She went back to sleep and woke up for the morning at 8:30a. In the free moments I had, I had to do my own laundry and Allie’s, but opened the washing machine to see that once again, the stepdaughter left her laundry half-done in there and had left the house. I usually finish her laundry for her and put it in her room, and I know her dad does the same when he needs to wash clothes and sees her stuff in there. I asked Mr. W what I should do. He looked really peeved and put her wet clothes from the washer into the dryer. Now I’m waiting for her clothes to dry so that I could put my load into the dryer and start Allie’s load.

Mr. W is upstairs having quarantined himself in the bedroom, watching TV. I know he’s upset at me for being upset about his 21 yr old daughter, and I feel like I want to restore peace, but don’t know how except to apologize. And yet, I don’t see anything I have to apologize for. I want to go up and talk to him again, try to smooth things over, get him to understand, but I know he’ll just see it as my harping on the same thing over and over again when he just wants to not talk about it or think about it anymore. As a female, not talking about it is not a resolution to me and I want a resolution. Allie was fussy when I tried to put her down for her morning nap and was making odd noises from her nose, so I used the nasal aspirator bulb and pulled out a bunch of mucus. I hope she’s not sick, and I’m stressed about that, too. AND, my cell phone which is my lifeline to the outside world has stopped updating. I noticed yesterday I hadn’t gotten any new emails and since last nite I haven’t gotten any texts. I checked email on the PC and I do have new email, so my phone isn’t receiving and syncing. Everything feels like it’s blowing up around me. I haven’t eaten or drank anything yet today.