Day 2 of this transition week. I was so not feeling it after Monday that before Laura arrived this morning, I had to enact a Plan B. I’ve made two back-to-back appointments with the 2 closest branches of a chain daycare for tomorrow.

So here’s how today went. Laura arrived at the agreed-upon time of 10a (a few minutes late). Allie was still sleeping from her morning nap, so we got a chance to talk, and altho she’d said yesterday that given the short day, she insisted on not being paid, today she said to apply the hours she was here yesterday toward “banking” as credit, i.e. she wants “credit” for the hours she’s worked yesterday to apply later when we’re on vacation. So now I have to keep keep a log of hours she’s “preworking” that are going toward future “credit” to be paid for, and days that we’ve paid full wage for her that she hasn’t yet worked that’s owed to us as time. It’s going to be an accounting nightmare.

When Allie awoke from the morning nap, I’d explained how to add a little bit to the 4 oz bag after it goes in the bottle to make a bottle between 4.5 to 5 oz. Then I left her to that as I went to change Allie. When I came back to the kitchen, I saw that she’d overfilled the bottle so that it was past the 5 oz line to where I estimate it was about 6 oz, but I’m not sure cuz that particular bottle size doesn’t have any markings beyond 5 oz and the bottle shape changes a bit as you get to the top. I mentioned she overfilled and that I didn’t want to waste milk that Allie can’t finish. She said as Allie drank all 5 oz yesterday at her bottle feeding, that she feels Allie can finish this, and that it wasn’t THAT much over 5 oz (I disagree), and then asked what I wanted to do, pour some back (which I’d initially suggested) or give it to her? I relented and said she could try feeding it to Allie as I pumped. When I came back downstairs from pumping, she said I was right, and there was a full ounce left over in the bottle she couldn’t get Allie to drink. We managed to salvage that by putting the bottle immediately back into the fridge and deciding to have 2 bottle feedings that day. I’m glad she chose to tell me rather than dump it so that I wouldn’t be upset or know she was wrong.

Allie took 2 great naps that I put her down for; 2 hours 15 mins for the morning nap (which Laura wasn’t here for because she didn’t want to come in early when I was still here), and 1.5 hours for the noon nap that I put Allie down for as Laura watched on the camera downstairs. She’d watched me put Allie down for one or two naps yesterday as well. She didn’t pick up on the details, though…when I had her put Allie down for Allie’s 3rd nap of the day, she bounced Allie around instead of swaying her by gently shifting weight from foot to foot like I do, and it was too much motion to lull Allie to sleep. She also patted Allie’s back and I heard occasional talking to Allie, so it was more stimulation than Allie’s used to. Allie was popped up on Laura’s shoulder and started fussing and crying. So I was thinking, “Just put her down, just put her down,” so that Allie would at least soothe herself to sleep in her crib instead of feeling the strangeness she wasn’t used to. But Laura tried to keep soothing, and kept readjusting Allie, trying to move her hand, move her head, move her positioning. Finally, eventually, Allie had her head down against Laura’s chest altho she never got into instant soothing position like she does on me and never sucked her thumb, but as she started getting sleepy-eyed, Laura put her down in her crib, but didn’t do a transition with her hands like I do, turning Allie sideways and then sliding my hand out once she’s in position. She basically picked Allie up by the armpits, dangling her over the crib, and that woke Allie up even more. Allie ended up popping up in the crib, moving around, crying, and learned to roll over for the first time. So now she was on her back, crying, not used to being on her back during the nap, awkwardly positioned against the side of the crib, staring at the ceiling in the room that she’s not used to seeing from that angle in the daytime. Basically, she cried and moved for half an hour, and ended up not going to sleep. I finally went and got her at 4:30p so that I could feed her, feed her again at 6:30p and put her down early for the night to make up for missing her afternoon nap. (Allie was so tired that as soon as I walked with her into her room to throw a diaper away or to get anything, she thought she was getting her nap and would go into soothing position on me. And she kept yawning, and when I nursed her at 4:30p and 6:30p for an earlier bedtime, she couldn’t even stay awake for a full feeding both times. I’m afraid to think what that’s going to do to her sleep tonight.)

As Laura was getting ready to leave, she asked when I’d like her in tomorrow. Well, given that it was a short day at HER request so that she could leave early, I thought she’d be in at the regular time in the morning since this IS transition week. She didn’t want to do that. She said as she’d expected to be in for the full normal days Thursday and Friday, on Wednesday (tomorrow) she wanted to come in later, even tho she was leaving earlier, too. So I’m going to put Allie to nap at 8:30a, she’ll be here at 9:30a (which cuts it close for me but that’s what she wants to do), and I’m going to leave at 9:45 so that I can make it to the first Kindercare by 10a for a tour, meanwhile Laura is here alone when Allie wakes up and she’ll change Allie’s diaper, bottlefeed her, play with her, and put her to nap around 12p; meanwhile I go straight to the 2nd Kindercare for a 11:30a tour, and I get home a little after 12p when hopefully Allie has been put down and is napping, and Laura leaves with her daughter between 1:30 and 2p. Her daughter offered to bring some Lee’s Sandwiches for us for lunch when she meets her mom here. Just writing all that I’m leaving to Laura tomorrow makes me nauseated. I’m so scared. I guess you can say I don’t have the confidence in her.

I was not impressed Laura’s still reluctant to be here for the full hours, even tho she’d be paid for them. We went for a stroller walk between the 2nd and 3rd (failed) nap, and that went okay. We also played with Allie outside for a bit (Laura took her out while I was cleaning the pump parts). I noticed that she’s not doing anything developmental with Allie. Just playing with her, laughing, talking to her. When we were on the big outdoor bed thing, I suggested we give Allie some exercise so she’d use up some energy before her nap, and Laura said okay, asked what I suggested. I suggested tummy time. She didn’t know what that is. It’s just terminology, but it’s such current common terminology that childcare providers really ought to know them. Mr. W mentioned that he watched Laura try to burp Allie thru the cameras, and agreed with me that she is rusty with infant care; he said she had Allie sitting on her lap like I do trying to burp her, but when Allie didn’t want to sit still and kept straightening her body, instead of burping her in another position, Laura would just pat her back twice, and keep try to readjust Allie’s sitting, then pat twice, while covering Allie’s mouth with the burp cloth with her other hand. Basically it wasn’t working. She wanted to use the Boppy to bottlefeed Allie (which she’d seen me use a few times to nurse Allie), but couldn’t figure out how to use it. She had it turned out so that it made a reverse “U” in front of her instead of going around her waist like a donut. When I turned it for her, she placed Allie in her lap in the hole instead of on the Boppy, meanwhile looking confused. Not a big deal again, except that it shows how she’s very out of date with the infant care thing. And Mr. W has told some people at work about how much we’re paying Laura monthly, and he said everyone balked. When he mentioned that she wanted to be paid max pay for the days she’s taking off, the days she’s on vacation, the days WE’RE on vacation, AND wanted us to pay half her health care, people REALLY balked. I think Laura feels that this is fair because she feels that $11/hour is a super-low wage so her compromise is to get us to pay her consistently whether she’s here or not.

I’m really, really not feeling it. I was in tears this afternoon. Mr. W is increasingly not happy with the arrangement the more time he has to think of it and its ramifications, as well. Taxes, etc. make her even more expensive as we finish the trial period.

Mr. W met up with his renter after work today. The renter is saying stuff like he’s not able to pay like he’d expected once again, and that maybe Mr. W would want to think about putting someone else in the property who could make the regular monthly payments, and meanwhile the renter will move his family out to someplace cheaper and still try to pay back what he owes to Mr. W. This is a scary thought — the implications are that the renters are admitting defeat in getting caught up. Mr. W explained about how it’s going to be very tough for us from now on covering for that mortgage without getting rental income for it because of what we’re going to have to pay for a nanny. When the two left each other, Mr. W got a phone call from the renter with a business proposition. The renter’s wife was a nurse. She’s also a mother of two girls, same ages as Laura’s girls. The renters offered to have the wife nanny for us for free, to sort of “work off” their debt, and that would help us by letting us save on childcare costs. I’m not sure how ideal this is, because I no longer have time to do another transition week with someone else. Plus, I don’t have the heart or the energy for it. I’m so stressed at it is doing it for Laura. I feel like the renter’s wife is in the same boat where she’s also going to be rusty with infant care, so I’m really trading one for the same person, with the exception being that one of the women is free. Also, can I do this without screwing over Laura, given that she appears to have chosen this as her job for the next couple years? Maybe I should talk to her tomorrow about keeping her options open and not writing off the church or the school district job, yet. But would that screw me over as I have to turn Allie over to another stranger?

Watching Allie wake up and toss in her bed earlier, having this discussion with Mr. W, I was ready to hurl.