When I was a sophomore at UCLA, my cousin’s then-boyfriend Johnny was a freshman there and we were good friends. Johnny had this little Korean girl (also a freshman) who used to be his shadow. People would come up to me and ask what was up with Johnny and this girl, and I’d tell them nothing, they were just friends and they studied together a lot. I did personally suspect that at least one of them had other intentions about the other, tho. One day, Johnny and I were walking back to our respective apartments after class, and he seemed a bit down. Since I can’t remember that girl’s name, I’ll just call her Susie. “Susie told me today that she likes me,” Johnny said. We walked a few more paces. “That sucks, because now we can’t hang out anymore.”
“Why not?” I asked.
He looked at me in surprise. “Because! I have a girlfriend! I’m not going to be hanging out with a girl who has a crush on me, that’s just ASKING for trouble.”
At the time, I had never had a boyfriend before, and was unable to fully appreciate what Johnny was doing. I sensed that he was making a morally sound decision that did not serve him hedonistically, but that to him, it wasn’t even a matter of making a decision. It was one of those natural, common sense things to him; even tho it made him sad that he was losing a friend, he respected my cousin’s feelings and his relationship above all else. And my cousin didn’t even have to fight for or force this loyalty.
I often think about that conversation, less than a minute in its occurrence, and its enormous impact on me now. Now that my eyes have been darkened a bit more by life and experience, that moment with Johnny glows all the more ethereally in contrast.