A DA friend and I were conversing on the topic of the ease (or difficulty) with which our separate genders fall in love. (It was also a work-related phone call, I swear! Something about the 7-defendant murder and attempted-murder case he continued in my courtroom this morning.) I originally said without much thought that girls, the emotional creatures that we are, fall in and out of love all the time; we always think we’re in love. He said he feels it’s a rather rare thing because he’s not referring to the druggy intoxicated infatuation you have in the beginning with a new person, he’s talking actual deep love love. Which got me thinking…

How do you know when you’re in love? Is there some gradient scale your emotions can be measured against, like when you hear people say, “Well, I like him a lot, but it’s not quite there yet.” Or, “Just when I was starting to fall in love, he messed up and I’m back down to just liking him now.” Can you then say, “Whew, that was a close call! I almost fell in love but then I caught myself and now I’m cool!” ? I think I’ve said things like that.

Or do you know you’re in love when you pass that one test question, the litmus paper that defines you the way a pregnancy test does? “I love him so much I’d give up smoking for him.” “I love him so much that if someone shot a gun in his direction, I’d push him away and take the bullet myself.” An ex once said that to me (swapping out the “him”s for “you”s, of course). I found out soon thereafter that he was a compulsive liar by nature. Do you love him? Do you see yourself marrying him? Would you have kids with him? When you imagine a permanent future with him, are you happy or scared? If a magical dragon were to come out of the ground and grab him in one claw and all the chocolate in the world in the other and make you choose, would you choose him? What if it were him versus your pet? Him versus your figure? Him versus all your current assets and your money? What if he put on 60 pounds, went bald but everything else was the same?

The pressure! Good Lord, I’m stressed. *pant, pant*

But maybe it’s just like this. You open your eyes one morning, you see him peacefully sleeping next to you, you smile, your heart smiles, and the words just form in your head. “God, I love you.“