This is TMI (too much information) whining in desperate hope that writing this will ease me psychologically and somehow bring some relief physically.

Oh my God, oh my God, I am in so much pain! I’ve been up since 3am (it’s currently 4:30a). I’m not sure if it was ever this bad. I’ve tried calling Kaiser, but their appointment line is closed until 7am. I feel like something is trying to pull my bladder out through my urethra. I can’t straighten up because I’m almost afraid organs will dislodge if I do so. I took a shower to try to get over the cold sweats, but because the severe discomfort is omnipresent, I’m just starting to sweat all over again. Usually with bladder infections or urinary tract infections, there is a gradual building of pain and burning until I rush into the bathroom and burst into a very painful release of urine so intense that the sting brings tears to my eyes, and the pain subsides fairly rapidly and I’m fine until the whole thing starts all over again. This time, however, the pain does not subside and instead stays at a medium-to-high level of intensity, focused both in my abdomen and around my urethra, causing my entire lower body to clench involuntarily. Once or twice in the last hour and a half, I thought I was given some relief, but it lasted only seconds before the very steep incline of the rebuilding of pain. There is so much discomfort in my abdomen that I can’t tell which organ it’s coming from, but I suspect uterine cramps are adding to the mix. I think my entire lower body is messed up.

I actually felt really really crappy yesterday morning, but I drove to work anyway because I knew we had a clerk shortage as my supervisor had already asked me to juggle 2 courtrooms, my own and another one down the hall. I got to work and discovered the shortage was worse than previously anticipated, as clerks were on vacation and many others called in sick. I had to leave my own courtroom entirely and take over another one, and was very busy with criminal calendar and trial all day, working through lunch, neglecting the work in my own courtroom because there simply wasn’t time. Another clerk was pulled out of his less busy courtroom to handle the one I’d originally been instructed to juggle with my own. I’d feel bad joining the ranks of those who have been calling in sick, but I’m desperate. I am willing to drive my ass down to a 24-hour Kaiser facility right now if I knew where one was open. But what I’ll probably end up doing is calling the apptmt line again at 7a and taking the first available appointment, and be at work before and after, whatever it takes, even if it means staying at work late.

Damn it, one of my newly retired coworkers is having a retirement party after work today. There is no way I can attend like this if it doesn’t get better. I am so glad I am alone right now. I don’t know how I’ll face people in the morning.