I was listening to a radio talk show on my drive in to work this morning. The celebrity gossip is that Pamela Anderson is now dating Kanye West. They were out clubbing over the weekend at a celebrity event and at one point, Kanye affectionately rubbed her back. She said to him, “The fun stuff’s in the front.” She is 10 years his senior, and apparently has younger competition. While Pam and Kanye were dancing, Ashley Olsen reached out and pinched his butt.

The very practical on-air male personality said hesitantly, “That was a weird night.” I agree. The celebrity world is so bizarre.

The more flippant female on-air personality asked, “Wait. Who’s Kanye West again?” They told her he’s the guy who sang the song “Gold Digger.” To refresh her recollection, they played the opening of the song.

[Jamie Foxx]
She take my money when I’m in need
Yea she’s a trifflin friend indeed
Oh she’s a gold digga way over town
That digs on me

[Chorus:]
(She did me wrong)
Now I ain’t sayin she a gold digger (When I’m need)
But she ain’t messin wit no broke nigga
(She did me wrong)
Now I ain’t sayin she a gold digger (When I’m need)
but she ain’t messin wit no broke nigga
get down girl go head get down (I gotta leave)
get down girl go head get down (I gotta leave)
get down girl go head get down (I gotta leave)
get down girl go head

The very catchy percussion ending each line doing the boom, boom, ba-boom was still hanging in the air when the female personality said, “Great. I’m seeing Pamela Anderson’s breasts now when I hear this song. Everybody see Pam Anderson’s boobs when ya hear this?” And I did. Gargantuan famous pink vinyl-clad boobs bobbing along to the boom, boom, ba-boom.

I wanna gouge my mental eyes out.