What is the drive home like for people whose marriages have broken down? Does it start as a happy cheerful day at the office laughing and joking with coworkers, until the time comes to leave? Do they ask around to see who’s available to grab a happy hour drink, but are disappointed when all their coworkers in turn say they need to pick up their kid, pick up dinner, have a dinner date with the spouse, have a date-date, sorry-buddy-next-time? And then do they drive home slowly, dreadfully? Does a 20 minute commute feel like half a day, winding slowly toward an unhappy destination, a black hole devoid of light, full of vacuous cold and emptiness? Maybe they think about the earlier days, when they were one of the eager ones to go home and see their spouse after an unbearably long day at work. They had not lied when they recited “best friend” in their wedding vows, so what had happened? There used to be a joy, a light that shone in the home which led the way to the person who understood the best, who always had a light stroke for your hair, a nuzzle for your cheek, a pillow for your heart. And now, the night is long, the day is too short. The drive itself, albeit extensive and dreadful, is a blur as the driver sees only the layer upon layer of troubles and issues — the top of the stack, still seeped in fresh blood; the bottom of the stack, decayed and sulfurous; all of it, heavy and unresolved. Sickened and worn, maybe he’s powerless to resolve these issues and take them off the table because the spouse has stopped communicating and trying. Maybe he’s lost the hope that he can carry this relationship on his own shoulders. There are ones who go to the bar alone and stall there. There are ones who have stopped coming home. And then there are ones who come home just a shell, the spirit of their identities torn and forgotten, the joy of love and partnership just a cheesy love song on the radio, the warmth and safety of home a joke.

I read somewhere that an optimist is one who looks forward to marriage, and that a pessimist is a married optimist.

I wish it weren’t like that.