I tend to not “fight” for a person’s romantic interest. I tend to feel that if someone’s focus on me can be swayed or confused by some random outside person or thing, then that’s an internal problem with “us” and a relationship probably would not work out anyway. If there is some competition, I back off and if the guy likes me, he’ll bridge that gap and come to me. If he doesn’t, then that inaction tells me everything I need to know. Someone playing hard to get with me to spark my interest would just end up not being gotten. If he plays the hold-out-to-call-her thing, I assume he’s not interested and I move on. If he takes even longer, by the time he calls I may have forgotten about him. People who have dated me know this about me.

Thinking about this tendency of mine on the drive to work this morning, I wondered how much of it has to do with my being hurt and miffed. Am I not fighting for someone because of principle, or am I not fighting because I’m hurt and have retracted into my Cancer shell?

On the other hand, I have fought for someone before, just in the spirit of competition (I can only think of one example), because the chick trying to take this guy’s attention was totally on my nerves, and the guy wasn’t interested in her. He kept trying to turn back to me and she wouldn’t let him, until he just finally turned his back to her and came to me. She was really pissed, and kicked my chair hard on her way to the bathroom. It was all really immature. In this situation, I was not emotionally vested, so I could not be hurt that there’s competition out there. It was almost a big joke. This was a long time ago and now, I can’t imagine fighting for someone for sport. It just seems so unnecessary and childish. If he wants her, he’ll go to her, and if he wants me, he should come to me. That’s it.

So I guess that’s what it is. When there’s something or someone competing for the attention of someone I’m emotionally attached to, I get hurt, curl up, back off, and hope and wish that he’d come to me. If he doesn’t for a long enough period of time, I am tortured and start to deteriorate. And then I prepare myself to walk. I may put out one last effort to communicate my feelings to him, but if he’s unresponsive to that, then it’s pretty much over.

I don’t know if that’s healthy or not.