I don’t like reality. I get sucked under here and there and it’s always a struggle to climb out. The last couple of days when I was able to find some levity, I clung onto it as hard as I could and tried to forget what’s real. I tried to keep my mind from wandering. I sang louder than I had to, made myself dance in my car seat listening to the radio while driving, changed channels and stations really quickly when their conversation was on anything I could relate to from my own life. But other times, when the sky is thick and gray and the air is cold (like right now), and there are no other distractions, I inadvertently stumble onto some truths. It feels like I was facing fantasy and laughing joyously, then I get a tap on the shoulder behind me and I turn, mouth still open from the laughter, and it’s a dark figure who force-feeds me a bitter dose of reality, right into my mouth.

I’m going back to bed.

Actually, Mr. W just invited me to have tea with him on his balcony. “It’s nice outside,” he said. Maybe it’s nicer over there on that side than it is here.