You wanna know why people fall into depression? Or rather, let themselves get depressed instead of pulling out? Because it’s easier. There’s something that clicks in the mind where you just want to feel sorry for yourself and you want to curl up and be defeated, because you’re tired from the fighting and it’s too hard to resist. You don’t see the point of fighting it, and the thought of faking a smile or acting social when you don’t feel social just takes too much energy and effort. The face is too heavy to lift. The drooped mouth, heavy cheeks, tired eyes.

And if you’ve been depressed before, you’re already tired from the last fight, so it’s easier to fall into it again since you’ve been there before. It’s familiar. The last time you just curled up and leaned over in the dark by yourself, so this time when you get that same hopeless feeling where everything just seems so large and overwhelming and you feel powerless, you automatically draw into emotional fetal position again, getting ready for the lean and for the drowning.

Okay, that’s the best way I can describe it right now. So for those of you who think depression is a weakness, it is. But not in the way you assume.

P.S. A photographer friend is emailing me and made a joke about how I can buy his book. I wrote back, “What’s your book about? How to take pictures?” He wrote, “Yeah right, something like that. ‘How to take pictures of your inner feelings.’ ” My response, which he didn’t understand, was, “Gee. Are there any bubbling murky slimy tar pits I can take a picture of right now?”

Why am I documenting this? Like it’d help with the field of psychology or something? Who wants to read THIS shit?!