Do you ever miss something so strongly that you feel saddened and empty without it, only you don’t know what it is you miss? I’m nostalgic for something, but I don’t know what. If there was someone so truly special and wonderful to me that my sad times are a stark contrast to being with him, such that it brings up tears and nausea with how hard I long and yearn, I don’t have any distinct memories of him. Maybe it’s a time I miss. Maybe I miss a time when I was secure and happy. I just miss something or someone so much right now that I want to curl up in a ball and cry. I feel like my conscious memories have been wiped clean but yet something instinctual and subconscious remembers. I remember warmth, and yet some coolness. I remember rosiness. I remember comfort and trust. I remember feather-light caresses, loving strokes upon my head. I remember feeling so protected that I could let everything go because of the faith that nothing could happen to me if I relax. I remember white light, and a sense of being surrounded by white wings wrapped around me from behind.

Here, I feel cold and alone in the dark. I’m often miserable. I’m aware of other light sources around me, but it’s not the same. There, a few dark dots may appear in the light; here, it’s the rare light that thinly penetrates the darkness. And a lot of the light isn’t bright, it’s more of a gray. People who seem lit eventually turn gray on you as you see more of them.