At dinner w/my parents earlier:

Me: Look, this is my new phone! (handing her my new Nokia 6102i)
Mom: Ooh, how pretty! See my phone. (showing me up with her Motorola Razr)

Just now w/W:

Me: (handing him newly-developed photos of me that he’d wanted) What’re you gonna do with these?
W: Play with myself with ’em.
Me: …Aren’t you afraid of papercuts?