When I was in judicial assistant training class 7 years ago and we had to memorize all our oaths, the trainers told us that we were all going to have times we blunder our oaths, say the wrong oath, forget our oaths in the middle of recitation, etc. I thought, “Heck, that’s not gonna be me. I’m prepared.” And I had all the oaths well memorized.

In the real professional world, because we always have our oath cue cards (mine were written out on 3×5 inch index cards), we don’t say them all from memory. My personal tendency is to glance at the card to get rolling, and then I roll the rest of the oath from memory.

Today, about 40 minutes ago, I was coming in the front doors of the courtroom from letting in our 91 jurors (I’d just done orientation w/them outside in the hall), and I was still walking to my desk when the judge told them all to stand to be sworn. Rushing to my desk, I reach into the cubbyhole I keep my oath cards and…empty. I had a quick panic. They had us/me cover so many courts in the last couple of weeks that I have no idea where I’d taken those cards. I whispered toward the bench, “Your honor, I can’t find my oath cards, so I’m gonna TRY to do this from memory.” He said confidently, “All right.”

I did not deserve that confidence. I stumbled through the first few words, hoping it’d come back to me, but the thing with long memorized strings of words is that unless the first few words are correct, it doesn’t cue the rest of the words. So I stopped the stuttering, and said to my judge, “I’m sorry, I need my oath cards.” He said okay and then instructed the 91 jurors to please remain standing until they’re sworn. ACK! I madly called the last department I was in that I could’ve taken the oath cards to. No answer. I looked at my reporter and said hopefully, “Do you have a hot key for that oath?” (so that her machine would transcribe that oath without her having to type everything in) She doesn’t have a key programmed for that particular oath. I tried typing it out on MS Word hoping that writing it without the pressure of saying it would bring those words back to me. It didn’t work.

“Oh, I have it in a transcript,” my reporter said, and darted off to her office. Meanwhile, 91 jurors still stood and stared, judge sat there in the uncomfortable silence, 2 defendants, 2 defense attorneys, a district attorney, and 2 bailiffs did I don’t know what cuz I was too busy still trying to type out the oath to look at them. I thought I got it, and said hopefully to the judge that I think I have it, he said great, let’s wait for the reporter to return, and then I realized I DIDN’T have it after all. She returned with a transcript, flipped a few pages, and said, “Oh, it’s not on this transcript. Wait, lemme get another one.” She darted off again. I tried calling another clerk to borrow her oaths, but then my reporter walked in triumphantly with a thick transcript turned to the correct page.

As she ran back to her transcription machine, I turned to the 91 jurors and said, “Ladies and gentlemen, this is a demonstration of Murphy’s Law. This has never happened before.” They laughed and relaxed. I read the first 13 words of the oath and the rest was clearly recited from memory as I never looked down again, so they were probably wondering why I couldn’t have done that earlier.

“Do you, and each of you, understand and agree that you will accurately and truthfully answer, under penalty of perjury, all questions propounded to you concerning your qualifications and competency to serve as trial jurors in the matter now pending before this Court, and that failure to do so may subject you to criminal prosecution?”
“I do.”
“Is there anyone who does not or can not agree to this oath? No response. Thank you, please be seated.”

Jury selection went on, I called another courtroom I may have left the cards in, and that clerk said there was no such cards on her desk. I ran to the clerk next door and borrowed her oath print-outs, which are outdated, but I knew them well enough to revamp them, and then I re-wrote all the oaths out on index cards. Meanwhile my gym trainee had emailed me and asked if I was going to the gym today. I emailed back:

I don’ tknow yet. still trying to live down one of the most embarrassing things that had ever happened in my professional career here, and of ocurse it has to happen in front of 91 jurors during our 4-deft trial.,

You can tell how flustered I am by the quantities of my typos. My trainee is going to take me out for lunch instead. Cuz what I need is a drink to help me slur through the rest of the day.