I did more gut spilling last nite. Didn’t feel much better. Didn’t sleep well until the early morning hours, when I dreamt I was arrested in Mexico for making a left turn on a red light, and the jail cafeteria lady (who was an older Asian) offered me grilled talapia for dinner in jail.
***
Said to him this morning in a goodbye hug, “Don’t hate me because I’m crazy.”
Him: (laughing) I don’t hate you! I love you because you’re crazy.
Me: I’m not crazy, you jackass!!
***
Vicky told me last night to not give up my dreams just because of one bad weekend. So I’m probably not going to buy the car. Unless I just really, really want it after 3 weeks. She also thinks the nagging sinking nausea will pass and I’m just going through something because of environmental factors and/or recent developments around me. If she’s right it’d make things easier. At least temporarily.
***
I have a bad stress habit of picking on my heels. I was so stressed that last night I even picked my heels in my dream.
***
I’m wearing more makeup than normal today. It’s what I do when I’m forcing myself to feel better. I have to feel better today, because today is day 1 of our 4-defendant, dual jury month-long murder trial. We’re picking the “red” panel of jurors today for 2 of the 4 defendants, and I have to orient 91 jurors soon. Monday we’re picking the “blue” panel of jurors for the other 2 defendants out of a different 90 jurors, and after that jury selection will be a juggling act between the 2 panels. But that’s nothing compared to keeping the exhibits straight, i.e. keeping the evidence that only goes to 1 panel separate from the other panel, tracking which exhibits can be viewed by both panels. So anyway, this morning the perfect song was playing on KIIS FM, Ryan Seacrest’s morning show:

from “Sexy Back”
Justin Timberlake

[Verse 1]
I’m bringing sexy back (yeah)
Them other boys don’t know how to act (yeah)
I think you’re special what’s behind your back (yeah)
So turn around and I’ll pick up the slack. (yeah)