Wed 27 Dec 2006
The Silver Lining Perspective
Posted by cindy under Health & Body , Mental States at 3:35 pm[21] Comments
I got super-annoyed with Mr. W yesterday when he mindlessly told me, in not so many words, that he used to screw some chick(s?) with a specific Enigma song playing, which song happened to be playing right then on the radio. Mr. W got super-annoyed with me today when he learned that instead of going to the doctor in the morning, I came to work and didn’t even leave early at lunch to see the doctor.
But then, if these are the worst of our problems after 1+ year together — too much information about his past for my taste and his worrying about my health so much as to be angry that I’m not being taken care of — I consider myself severely lucky, indeed.
By the way, I skipped the gym at lunchtime today and did go see the specialist, so it’s all good.
*** Addendum 12-28-06 ***
Mr. W feels he was misrepresented in this post, and I can see how it looks a certain way because I told it “in a nutshell” as opposed to telling exactly how the conversation happened, so here’s how it actually came about (but still nut-shell-ized):
*song plays*
Mr. W: I like this song. I have the CD. It has a good rhythm to have sex to.
Me: Ew! Why would you tell me something like that?
Mr. W: Why?
Me: Because the fact that you HAVE the CD and you said it’s a good rhythm to have sex to means that you’re speaking from personal experience!
Mr. W: *not denying it; it comes out later that his ex girlfriend said it’s a good song to have sex to, then bought him the CD, and then they had sex to it.*
what’s wrong with you? anything we need to be concerned about? Talk to nurse jordan.
oh.. and you NEVER tell your current what you did to what song with the ex… if I did that.. practically every lionel ritchie and air supply song would be banned from the ‘listen to’ list .. haha
oh and ps: I DID get some zaino. I didn’t buy it… the boy bought it for me and had it mailed to my house because he heard me talking about it… or he’s actually reading your blog. haha .. either way.. I have it now and have NO idea what to do with it.
come visit me
Are you talking about the car polish zaino?
Cindy, I hope you are ok. A specialist? I hope its not your fingers from playing too much Guitar hero!! Lemme know what I can xray for ya!
Not a smooth move Mr. W with the sex songs. Ouch!
Jordan – I’m on meds, it’s okay, it’ll be better soon. I hope. I really, really do hope. Now I’m coughing a little, too. As for Zaino, doesn’t it come with instructions? I can’t help you until you tell me what you got. All the instructions, tho, are on the zaino website. http://www.zainostore.com
Flat Coke – yup, car polish Zaino. nope, not my fingers. If only it were that simple! And you’d be xraying something that wouldn’t come out on xray.
Jordan & Flat Coke – how come people understand about the TMI but Mr. W doesn’t?! Yesterday he volunteered the information that he started getting massages at age 25 in the Philippines, cuz back there it’s only $15 and came with a happy ending. “Ew!” I said again, “Why do you tell me things like that?!” That led to a long loud TMI fight, and I was pissed that he didn’t respect my TMI boundaries, and HE was pissed that I even have TMI boundaries, and then I thought I had issues for not wanting to know this stuff. And now I’m not so sure. This all just makes me way uncomfortable. I keep telling him it’s normal that people don’t want mental pictures of the stuff he was telling me and he thinks that’s unreasonable that he can’t share. I wanna pull my hair out. The thing is, tho, that I used to be a whole lot more tolerant on TMI before I got burned real bad (prior relationship).
I’m ACTUALLY distressed about this. I don’t know what to do. I keep thinking if I could find the root to the sensitivity, then I could cure it. The closest I got last nite was that I wish every string that links the current boyfriend to his past non-platonic people were severed. (With exception, of course, to the mother of his kids.)
I can’t say this is a “male” thing, because I know several males that would never mention another ex, or things he’s done with someone else and does NOT want to hear of his g/f’s past encounters.
Some people have no issues with telling or hearing but I think the primary difference is what you may have gone through in the past. If you’ve been betrayed / cheated on, then of course you’re more sensitive to these things. The boyfriend / husband needs to be more sensitive himself and not disclose the things he’s done in the past, whether it’s lovemaking in the back of a buick… songs he’s screwed to… blow jobs in the Phillipines after massages… WHO wants to know that stuff? Especially someone as sensitive as you are, with good reason, regarding betrayal in the past.
While it’s not cheating… it’s just plain insensitive and borders being mean, by blurting these things out.
Tables turned.. would he mind hearing about your favorite position with so and so… or how so and so got you to big O by doing such and such… or how you once met a random guy and did THIS and THAT?
I AM sensitive to that stuff now, and it’s not a good thing for this particular relationship cuz he wants to “blurt”. His blurting hurts my feelings, but he thinks my feelings shouldn’t BE hurt. Yet they ARE. Hence we have the problem. And yes, if the tables were turned, he would NOT mind hearing about MY “blurts”. Mr. W is definitely not a hypocrite, which is unusual because most people I’ve known are hypocritical about SOMETHING. But yeah, he doesn’t seem to have the emotional ties to things the way I do, and he claims that just cuz he’s relaying some information doesn’t mean he’s reminiscing about it, or thinking about the ex. I don’t understand how that’s possible. But then I think memories are richer for me. When I remember an event, I remember who I was with, what I felt, what’s around me, who else was there, what scent was in the air, what thoughts were running through my head…
And this is the difference between the two of you…you’re dramatically attached to the past (not bad drama, just drama in that you visualize,see,smell), where with him, the past is the past. You both need to recognize this difference. You by trying not to be as sensitive to objects/locations, him by not blurting, knowing you’re sensitive. He needs to realize that because he’s able pop his memory stick in and out of his brain without an attachment, doesn’t mean you can.
Yup, when I tell many memories, I’m reliving it. When he tells me his memories, I relive HIS. Except I wasn’t there, so my imagination has him tra-la-la-ing happily with the ex, gazing at her lovingly and giving her stuff, like food, flowers, or his penis. *gag*
I think it’s hilarious that you use a hardware metaphor for him. Memory stick. HAHA! How appropriate.
sometimes I’m witty like that. 🙂
I’m hungry now, all this talk of food. I want lobster.
ps… working with all these babies makes me want another one.
oh no.
I just ate half a box of SEES chocolates.
in regards to the addendum:
BUT. You still know that your g/f is sensitive in that way (right, wrong, indifferent, weird, crazy) it doesn’t matter. It’s just how she feels. Knowing that, be more sensitive and don’t tell her about songs you and someone else had relations to. She’s just not ready to hear that stuff right now.
There are many women who feel the same way…
Just *try* to see things from her perspective is all I’m saying.
We still love you.
cindy where are you.. I think I just gained 10 lbs eating SEES chocolates for breakfast AND dinner. this is out of control….they are way too good. I need help and I need it NOW.
I’m off work today. I have to work 12 hour shifts tomorrow and saturday. what are you doing for NYE?? come out and play cindy lou who from california.
question: does WAY too much chocolate effect your brain?
Mr. W says he’s going to honor NYE this year by going to bed an hour later than he did last year. Which means we get to stay up till 10pm this year.
Chocolate is rumored to affect your brain in that it causes the same neurons to fire off that fire off during sex. But good gosh, woman, if you’re gonna have THAT much chocolate, eat Godiva or Lindt truffles! Even Dove chocolate. Why Sees?! Sees is like the freebie giveaway chocolate. Except for the San Francisco Brickle Bar. Mmmmm.
BECAUSE IT WAS FREE.
I’m coming down off my chocolate high now, thank you very much… you ran off and had lunch or something and left me all alone
oh.. I have a whole bag here of ghiradelli’s… I can start on that one too
I ran to the gym at lunch.
Tell the truth, did you have to look at the bag of ghiradelli’s to spell it when you were typing?
no. scouts honor. we have a ghiradelli’s shop at downtown disney… i love their hot chocolate so i remembered how to spell it somehow…
oh. good for you. I couldn’t type it w/o looking at your comment.
Men can sometimes say things b/c they forget just b/c it didn’t mean anything to them…they automatically think it wouldn’t mean anything to us. I hope that made sense.
Bat has to put a filter on his “past” stories to me. I don’t want details AT ALL but if he tells me he had sex with this one or that one I don’t go BAT SHIT CRAZY over it. I’m a very sensitive person so he is cautiously aware of what he should or shouldn’t say.
Hope Mr. W learns his boundaries before it becomes a problem too hard to overcome.
Flat Coke – it did make sense and that’s pretty much what he said. It was just a sentence to him, not a huge involved memory. He even thought if he put that comment out there, that he could play the CD and have a good time with me. *laughing hysterically*
Men can sometimes say things b/c they forget just b/c it didn’t mean anything to them…they automatically think it wouldn’t mean anything to us. I hope that made sense.
anybody know muay thai training gym .i will post the link
http://www.extremepowergym.com/