Fri 16 Feb 2007
It seems that a girl (we’ll call her Gina, cuz I don’t know any Ginas) told my girl friend that her boyfriend’s brother is now dating a girl who is “a fat, crazy, Vietnamese lady”, and Gina is concerned that the brother is going to cheat on her. I guess Gina thinks this because she considers the new girlfriend not attractive enough to keep a man. My girl friend had this to say about that: “I told her that there’s no guarantee that he won’t or will because my ex cheated on me with a woman (that he subsequently married) that I felt was inferior to me and I’m sure you could say the same about [the girl who my ex cheated on me with].”
My opinion on cheating men now is that I’ve found they don’t cheat because they’ve found “the one” outside of the relationshp. These cheaters cheat because they’re cheaters by nature. The exceptions, the ones who’ve found “the one” outside the relationship, will break up with the relationship to be with the person they really want. The affair chicks are almost never loved the way the girlfriend or the wife is, and the cheater normally does not leave the relationship for the affair. The side dish is just being used. That being said, if Gina’s boyfriend’s bro is the cheating type, it doesn’t matter how unattractive or attractive the girlfriend is, he’ll cheat. If he’s not, he won’t cheat, and if he finds someone better and leaves her to be with the other person, they weren’t meant to be together anyway.
I’m not saying there are no exceptions to this. I’m sure there are love stories about some guy realizing the person he’s supposed to be with is his girlfriend’s best friend/sister/mother, blah blah, and everyone was behind this and supported it and now they’re one big happy messy family. But what I wrote in the former paragraph is the general rule as I believe it now with regards to male cheaters. I believe that women cheat for a whole different reason altogether. Generally.
Why do women cheat, besides SWEET revenge?
Mainly, it’s cuz there’s something the woman wants that’s missing from the relationship, and the affair guy seems to offer what’s missing. For example, let’s say wife feels like husband never listens to her and doesn’t understand what she’s going through in life. Then she randomly meets some guy who DOES listen to her, he commiserates with her on her bad day at work, he tells her he understands. Suddenly the woman thinks, “Wow, my husband never understands! This guy is WONDERFUL, he’s everything I ever wanted! We have such a BOND! I think I’m falling in love with him!” And she really believes that. When in fact, the guy could have NOTHING going for him EXCEPT that he’s listening right now, but because it’s what the woman’s been focused on in her relationship, the lack of listening, now this stranger seems like Mr. Perfect.
You can substitute “listening” for sex, sense of humor, love for shopping/dancing/dining out, being responsible with money, not being a drunk, not being abusive, not being an ass, etc.
I once told a married friend, who found herself falling for someone who’s emotionally more available than her husband, that just because this guy’s the anti-hubby doesn’t mean he’s the answer to her marital problems. But she REALLY, REALLY wanted to cheat. (She didn’t; she left the husband.)
Make sense!
Hey, I just sent you an email on a some-what related topic.
Is it possible for a woman to stay with her man if he as a child by the woman he is cheating on his woman with.
Nicole – Oh, ick!! I’m sure many things within the realm of human experiences are “possible,” but to be okay with staying with this man, a woman has to be so strong that she can honor a father-child relationship between the husband and the outside kid, and not show resentment toward the kid. I’m not sure that I can do it, since I think dad should have contact with the kid, but every time I see the kid I’ll be reminded of his indiscretions forever, and if he goes away to see the kid instead of bringing the kid home, I’ll be sick at home knowing he’s probably seeing the affair chick along with his kid. But as for “possible,” yeah, I guess it is.