My mom cracked me up today. We’re emailing.

Mom:
AUNT JESSICA INVITE YOU AND [Mr. W] OVER FOR NEW YEAR DINNER ON SUNDAY NIGHT AT 6:30 PM, DIANA AND JENNIFER ALSO BRINGING THEIR’S BOY FRIEND OVER. OH, YOU ARE GOING TO WEDDING, RIGHT?

(I don’t know why both my parents want to write in all caps. It’s like I’m 6 again and always being yelled at.)

Me:
no, no wedding. I don’t know the people getting married. We’re free Sunday
night, we just have brunch with the Northern California friends on Sunday in
the day.

Mom:
OH, BOY! YOU ARE GOING TO GAIN WEIGHT! WHY DON’T YOU GUYS COME OVER TO HELP US MOVE FUNITURE AND CLEAN UP ON WEEKEND!

(Their home remodeling is due to be done by Chinese New Year this weekend, and after that will be the big cleanup and furniture moving.)

Me:
we’d already planned on doing that. And I’m working out again. I don’t care if I’m still sick, I gained weight in the last 2 weeks of not working out!

Mom:
DRINK SUGAR FREE ORANGE JUICE, PLEASE!