I met Mr. W at the gym during lunch today and we took a yoga class together. I held off coughing through almost the entire hour by not “inhaling deeply” when the instructor told us to but taking shallow breaths, until the last relaxation pose. At the last pose, my body wanted to cough so badly that I was spasming. My throat was closing up, my lungs were involuntarily pushing the air out. I finally let out a cough, and once I did I couldn’t stop. The hacking echoed off the hardwood floors and mirrored walls, completely shattering the illusion of shaded tranquility in the room.

A minute ago, my bailiff, who had been reading a magazine at his desk, walked up toward me with an article and announced, “I’ve been doing some reading, and I know now why you’ve got that cough.” Curious, I let him show me an open page, which features a review on the Lexus IS 250, the lower version of my car. Compared to my IS 350, the 250 is the same car and body without the V6 engine, with 100 less horsepower. I was confused as he summarized the article. “It says here that the IS 250 has ‘top-notch handling and a firm suspension’, and that it ‘takes technological features to the next level’.” Right, I agree, but what’s that got to do with my cough? He continued to bullet other points in the article. “It says that the Lexus succeeds in ‘making complex features simple.’ And then it talks about all the luxury car comforts in the cabin. It says here ‘Exterior styling is on the muscular side — lean, not bulky — a departure for buttoned-down Lexus. Handling is taut… The base engine, which is strong but quiet, is a hair underpowered but makes up for it with great fuel economy’.”
“Yeah, but that’s the IS 250,” I said. “I have the 350, which has a stronger engine than what you’re reading there.”
“I know, wait a minute, but here’s where it talks about how you got your cough. The last sentence in the article says, ‘Those who want to notch up the power can cough up an extra four grand for the IS 350, which has a 306-horsepower V6.’ Have you been coughing ever since you bought that car?”

Oh my gawd.

Of course I had to blog it.

Oh, cites from the January/February 2007 issue of Westways magazine, published by Triple-A.