Thu 1 Mar 2007
I had a friend come up to me some weeks ago and ask for my take on some stuff that another friend of mine had said to him. The way he thought he understood my other friend’s comments made him feel uncomfortable, and I agreed that it sounded kind of not good. But I told him that I know this girl, she’s a good friend, and it’s not that she’s singling him out or meaning to sound derogatory, it’s just the way some of her language comes across, and to not take it personally. I said she’s kind of said the same type of stuff to a lot of us and really, it’s totally not personal and it’s just the way her language sometimes comes across, she’s not harboring anything against him internally. So comforted, my friend is going forward with some other plans he had which remotely would concern the other girl, also. Well, I just found out that my girl friend had talked to another friend of mine and how my male friend read her comments were EXACTLY how she meant them. Ick! And he’s going to walk right into something that would make the situation worse inadvertently. So what do I do, come out and forewarn him? I mean, I would let the chips fall where they may ordinarily, since this isn’t about me, EXCEPT that I’d already gave out some apparently wrong information which had misguided him!
I’m already pretty sure what I’m gonna do, but I thought I’d run it by impartial minds, too.
I feel a little useless with out specific details, but I think sometime you have to drop a line to your friends a let them know what’s up before causing a bigger snow storm. I ‘m not as good as you as reading in between the lines and giving awesome advise. I say go with you gut instincts.
I would warn him if you know that what you told him was not correct. I would appreciate it if it were me to know in advance.
Cindy “you remember when I told you that so and so talks that way to everyone and to not take it personal?”
Him “yeah?”
Cindy “well, take it personal… sorry”
Him “oh”
I couldn’t think of anything else.
i am sure you will do the right thing and take the high road- after all, that’s what you normally (but not always) tell me to do.
This is probably all said and done by now. I hope you gave good advice and the information accurately to the best of your ability.
Thanks, you guys!
Vanessa – I take it you’re not the shoot-the-messenger type. =) Thanks for the compliment and the faith in me.
James – Yeah, that’s the thing, to tell someone “in advance” cuz then at least they go into it informed and whatever they choose to do from that point on becomes an educated decision.
Jordan – That’s exactly right, Jordan.
Diana – So what are you saying, should I tell him or NOT tell him? Which is the high road?
Flat Coke – I hope so, too…but as I’ve found out, sometimes I just don’t have all the facts. 🙁
So … do we get to know the outcome?
Oh and if this guy IS the shoot-the-messenger type, then please do not tell him because I like having you around!
I *did* tell. I pretty much said, “I gave you inaccurate information, THIS is the accurate information, you were right.” I explained myself, gave my take on stuff, and he took it really well and was appreciative of my owning up to a past error and was gracious about getting the new information. After this whatever happens is out of my hands, I suppose.
I would’ve felt bad if, say, my friend hesitated in walking across a rug cuz he’s suspicious that my girl friend, who laid down the rug, had booby-trapped it. And then I go and tell him, “NO, she’s not like that, go ahead and walk!” and he does and as soon as he steps on the rug, it caves in and he falls into a lion pit below. I should at least check on the rug (or at least if I HEAR from the grapevine that it’s not kosher I should give my friend a heads-up) and if I’m wrong, I need to tell him, ya know?
Good thing he took it in stride and everything worked out!
Well, we’ll see if it works out, but it seems like me and the guy’s friendship hasn’t suffered. He’s one of my favorite people, I’d hate it if someone else’s thoughtless behavior strained my and his relationship with each other.
true dat
Cheerleaders are SO supportive. =)
*in a cheering/singing voice”
“Yes, we are supportive, S-U-P-P-O-R-T-I-V-E, supportive! Goooo Cindy! Yay!”
*jumping up and down w/ kicks in between and waving “happy” fingers*
I think you did the right thing. I remember your explanation about the post for “Fear” in the 3 word survey. You said you were scared of being unprepared for or being surprised by something. You saved this guy from walking into something and possibly getting blindsided so I think you did take the high road here.