Mr. W’s boy is getting his college acceptances in now. It makes me think back to my senior year. UCLA (University of California, Los Angeles) was my dream school. UCI (University of California, Irvine) was the backup. UCR (University of California, Riverside) was the backup to the backup. And then I applied to Cal (University of California, Berkeley) because my mom just wanted to know. Those were the only colleges I applied to.

Choosing to go to UCLA was a big step for me; most of my close friends either went to UCI or UCBerkeley, or stayed at home and attended a local Cal State University or junior college and transferred into a UC. But I always knew where I belonged. It was tough because as a teenager, you want to follow your friends. You get separation anxiety. You don’t want to look like a “loner,” cuz “loners” are “losers.” I gritted my teeth and told myself I’d make new friends. With that new thick(er) skin, college was also the first time I was able to eat alone. It just seems that the caliber of most people on a university campus are less concerned about how they look to strangers than how they work food into their day on their way to their next class, on their way to a degree, on their way to a better life. It was inspiring and admirable. I thought, “I don’t look at these people grabbing a bite doing work at the table and studying as loners or losers. They look like they’re just going along their day. I probably don’t look like a loser to other people, either, so they’ll just assume I’m alone because I choose to be.” I saved a lot of time multi-tasking lunch with studying, catching up on reading for an upcoming class, homework, reviewing notes for an imminent midterm.

I told Mr. W that I’m glad I didn’t have a boyfriend in high school, because I’m the type of girlfriend who would put her man’s happiness above her own. If I were accepted to UCLA and he wasn’t, and he was attending UCI and wanted me around, I’d be at UCI. I may have never found my independence. I’d be an Anteater, not a Bruin. I would’ve never met Diana, whom chance threw into my dorm room during summer orientation. Without Diana, I would’ve never met Wilco, whose server runs this blog, and I may not even be blogging. Even if I somehow still ended up at where I am in life right now and I met Mr. W who convinced me to go on a cruise last February, and I still met Jordan at the dinner table, I wouldn’t have the blog to keep in touch with her. Our friendship grew after meeting each other because we got in each others’ cyber lives, or rather, she came into mine, created her own after liking what she saw, and then I invaded hers. It is terrifying to think that so many things that I’m thankful for today wouldn’t be around if I had simply chosen a different school.

But then, maybe there’s an alternative me who DID attend UCI instead, who’s thankful right now that she didn’t go to UCLA or she would’ve never met her husband and had her baby who’s just learning to roll over from tummy onto back. :/