Wed 23 May 2007
Mr. W has been going thru some drama, and he’d told me before that when he’s sick or not happy or mad, that he’d prefer to be left alone. So I’d been leaving him alone. Monday after work, I went to Boot Camp with Vanessa, and yesterday after work, I hung out with Dwaine to give him some China souvenir and we had dinner at Cheesecake Factory. I don’t plan on going over to Mr. W’s place for the remainder of this week, either, as there’s a zoo going on at his house and he’d probably prefer to keep whatever little space he has as quiet as possible. I wondered what would happen if I don’t go over at all on the weekdays anymore. I suppose in the beginning it’d be weird as I’m used to spending a lot more time with him than I am now, but over time would I get used to being by myself and doing my own thing, to the point where a relationship just doesn’t fit into my life anymore? And how long would that take, if ever? What happens if it does, do two people just sorta drift apart and stop dating each other? Hmm. Interesting stuff. I saw Mr. W at the gym at lunch earlier and wanted to run this by him and see what his opinion on this weird phenomenon is. I figured he’d probably not think it’s p0ssible to just unknowingly drift into a breakup situation, then look back and go, “Oh, I guess we broke up. I hadn’t seen my significant other for about a year now, come to think of it.” Haha. But there was a guy on the elliptical trainer right next to Mr. W, and the stranger wasn’t wearing a headset, so I didn’t approach Mr. W.
Later, I saw Mr. W online. So I IMed him. I apparently have communication problems, as you can see below:
me: You know a calzone is good when you eat it 3 days later, cold, and it’s DELICIOUS.
Mr. W: good
me: I was gonna ask you when you were on the elliptical (but that guy was right next to you), would it be possible if we just saw each other less and less and then not at all and we just sort of naturally break up?
Mr. W: This is a Joke …Right?
me: it’s a hypothetical.
maybe I should reword that.
I’m not asking “would it be possible” as in asking for permission.
I’m asking “would it be possible” as in, “do you think two people could…”
[* long-ass pause here *]
Mr. W: you r away from me for 2 days and now u wanna break up.
me: what?
it’s just a musing hypothetical, I’m not SUGGESTING we break up!
[* another long pause *]
Mr. W: u got some spaining to do lucy!
me: I thought I DID explain up there!
[* yet another pause *]
me: this is one of those questions like, “Do you think if we invert a huge glass bowl over my house and yard that the grass and trees that I currently have would provide enough oxygen to sustain me and Dodo?”
I’m not telling you to create a giant bell jar and trap me in a biodome!
That was awhile ago and he hasn’t responded. Hmm… Maybe the time it takes to drift apart and break up is like 20 minutes.
Wow… looks like what ever he is going through has him very stressed out and in a space that anything that enters goes through negative filters, instead of his normal Mr. W ones.
For right now…I would stay away for questions like that. It might not be the best time. Hind sight…
Keep your chin up girl and be the great loving, strong, supportive person you are and take care of yourself!
Sigh. I know what you mean. I’ve been super stressed b/c of school (yeah, STILL haven’t graduated) and work (new-ish job) and cried and cried about it one night. I talked to B about it and asked if he thought he’d be happier with someone who had their life more figured out (he answered no, of course), but it got me thinking. What would it take or how would it happen for us to drift apart? I mean, we met online. We don’t really have lots of activities that we do in common and our careers are similar but ultimately quite different. So it would be seemingly easy to drift apart if we let it happen. But then I started thinking about the possibility of him not being around and got really, really sad. I think at some point you just really really both miss eachother because you love eachother and you come back because of that and the separation never really lasts that long.
Wow. How am I always so long-winded?
p.s. I think Mr. W is just stressed and he doesn’t elaborate in answering your question because to him it’s not really a possibility that you guys would break up, because he doesn’t want to break up. At all. Ya know?
According to the new logic I’ve been introduced to by my Mr. Wonderful. People shouldn’t ask questions unless they are already thinking it themselves. For example a few weeks ago I asked Mr. Wonderful if he wanted to watch Sat. Night Live. He turned it to that channel because he thought I wanted to watch it. I honestly didn’t, I was being considerate of HIS feelings thinking he might want to catch a new episode. But he informed me (and I took a vote at work too) that if you ask someone a question, even hypothetical, that the question is something you would consider yourself. So I guess what I’m trying to say is…what do YOU think would happen if you saw each other less & less? Is this something you’ve been pondering over the last few days from your own perspective? I agree with Vanessa, he’s stressed enough with what he’s dealing with. Maybe not the best time for questions that could POSSIBLY turn into more stress for him.
“would it be possible if we just saw each other less and less and then not at all and we just sort of naturally break up?”
Wow, that’s like opening a huge can of worms. Especially when he doesn’t have the cindy filters working.
Vanessa – Yeah, I didn’t think about how my random question would sound to someone who’s already stressed about other stuff. I guess it WAS bad timing. Cuz normally he’d know it’s a random hypothetical and just answer it, not start jumping to conclusions and trying to read between non-existent lines.
PL – You’re funny. I like it when you’re long-winded, cuz that’s your whole stream-of-consciousness and it’s interesting to watch. But the key to what you were thinking about was right in your own writing…people could drift apart, IF they LET it happen. If you love each other, you wouldn’t let it. There have been many other couples with bigger relationship obstacles than you two who have made it work, so you probably don’t have much to worry about. 🙂
Flat Coke – Hmm. This topic you bring up is familiar. I believe we’ve blogged about it in length before. 🙂 You’re right (and Bat’s right) that there are some questions that suggest the answer right in it, like “Are you gonna eat that?” which means “I wanna eat that.” But then there are other kinds of questions too, like the innocent “What street do I turn on again?”, the catty “Ha, you’re not gonna listen to HER, are you?”, the rhetorical “Where the HELL do you think YOU’RE going?!”, the baiting “Would you still be physically attracted to me if I gained 65 pounds?”, and the hypothetical “If you HAD to trip and fall, would you rather fall on a bed of nails or a non-poisonous snake?” Mr. W usually knows me well enough to know what type of question I’m asking, and there are some types that I avoid asking, and he knows that. But that goes to, like everyone was saying, being in the right frame of mind to have the “cindy filters” working. And yeah, I WAS pondering that, but only in the hypothetical. I wasn’t CONSIDERING it.
TurboTiger – see above. Yes yes, you’re right, you’re all right. But it really wasn’t that big of a deal. I actually thought it was silly and rather entertaining of a misunderstanding.
I’d have to agree with the others. I totally get that it is one of those Cindy random silly but tough to answer questions but given what was going on I think it was a little dangerous to ask that.
With better timing I think it would have been cool.
either that, or i have no idea what im typing cuz i had way too many free beers tonight and i didnt have to drive home.
thanks, james. i’m gonna say it’s the latter.
this is a great post! I have been on this same page the last couple of weeks and finally, came to the same conclusion as the others. hard and stupid as it may be –i think guys are just more simple minded when it comes down to it.
nice blog, by the way 🙂
K – Yeah, guys tend to be pretty linear, and the few who think more than the average guy, we don’t like and we call him “a girl.” We’re so difficult to get along with. 🙂 Thanks, and come visit more often!
we ARE difficult! 🙂 ha…hey, something coincidental ..could you email me at *e-mail removed by administrator* (oh, you can delete this comment, once you get it – w/ the email and all)…it’s too weird to write on this….!!!!
I’ll edit out the email address, but nothing’s too weird for THIS blog! Plus, if you’re suddenly finding weird coincidences, welcome to my world. People tend to fall into weird koinkidinks when they’ve been around me. Enjoy. 😉
right… NOTHING is too weird for this blog… or mine for that matter. It started out all innocent…