It’s funny how the power of the mind permeates things physical. For the past 2 days I’ve felt like such a patient, just cuz I was handed the patient hat. I went home yesterday, oozed onto the living room couch and took a nap. The air had cooled to a nice 75 with a breeze that wafted through my living room. I had also called my m.d. friend, pharm.d. friend, and mother. My m.d. friend will talk to her gyno coworkers and get some information for me. My pharm.d. friend had some personal experience and thoughts to share, but also didn’t have much expertise in my particular situation. In speaking with my mother, I tried to be nonchalant about the situation, but she was worried nonetheless while trying to convince me that I had nothing to worry about. And it is true; my family does not have a genetic predisposition to cervical cancer from either side.

I drove to Mr. W’s later in the evening when traffic died down, and told him at dinner that I was just giving myself the day to mope and feel sorry for myself, but that I’d be back to normal the next day. Today, first thing in the morning, my body bled. It’s playing the patient too, right along with my mind. Today I have a general “down” mood with low energy and cramps, but I behaved more normally than I did yesterday, which was sort of an alternatingly angry/tearful/anxious/defeated emotional carousel. Today, I cracked some jokes, was able to interact with strangers normally again (which is good since we started a court trial today), and went to the gym at lunchtime for a pretty crappy workout. But the important thing was that it was crappy because of the other people there, not because I didn’t do my best. It just seemed like people were following me around to jump on the exact machines I was using in my circuit, and then taking it over to sit and flirt with other people standing and milling about.

One bright spot in yesterday: I came home to find my garage door replaced to the rolling metal door; they did not replace my garage door motor against my will (as they insisted on replacing some of my neighbors’ motors), but left my old one up which worked very efficiently with my new door. AND, they’d swept my entire garage. I can’t say much for the company’s office staff, but the work crew seems very good.