Tue 13 Nov 2007
We just got back from Cirque du Soleil’s “Corteo” at the Orange County Fairgrounds. Mr. W is a huge Cirque fan. But if you ask me what “Corteo” is about, I couldn’t tell you; I didn’t pay much attention as I was sitting in my seat for the 2+ hours practicing my extraordinary ability to stay perfectly still while seething and composing this post in my head.
Before the show started, we were sitting next to each other in our assigned seats and then a guy and a girl sat down directly in front of us. The guy was THE tallest guy in his entire row, head/shoulders/back 2 feet above the seatback, and of course he sat down directly in front of me blocking my view of the stage. The rest of our row to my right was empty, and remained empty even after the doors closed and the music started, so Mr. W and I moved 3-4 seats to my right so that we sat behind a gap. We weren’t there longer than 5 minutes when the guy and the girl got up and moved a few seats over to THEIR right, and with an open seat between the guy and the girl, the girl sat in front of us blocking our (mostly Mr. W’s view) of the stage again.
What happened next if you heard Mr. W tell it would be: Cindy got irrationally upset at the people who moved and cussed them out at the top of her lungs, starting a bunch of tension and trouble that was unnecessary and designed to ruin Mr. W’s day.
With my elephant memory, let me give the actual play-by-play. After the guy and girl moved, I didn’t react but Mr. W looked at me incredulously, raised his hands in an exasperated gesture, and made a scoffing sound. He said something short, something to the effect of “Can you believe that?” or “Unbelievable.”
I looked down at the guy and girl and commiserated with him by saying, “I don’t know why they have to sit apart.” (Although they both moved down, they left an empty seat between them.)
As Mr. W was pointing to my right and suggesting I move yet another couple of seats down our row, the guy actually turned around in his seat, glared at me, and said in a snotty voice, “Is it really that big of a problem?” I just stared back at him as we moved, but I refused to give him a verbal response since I wasn’t ever talking to him to begin with.
The guy kept glaring even after we finished moving over, and Mr. W said to him, “We moved so that she could see.”
The girl at this point turned around toward me (partially) and said in a sympathetic tone, “I’m in the same boat as you.”
The guy finally turned around back toward the front, and I called it as I saw it. “What an ass.” Not her, I meant him.
I was surprised they heard me, but it was obvious they did because the girl gave an audible gasp and visibly started, although she didn’t turn around, but the guy turned around, pointed a finger at me, and said, “Shut up. You shut up right now. Shut up. Shut up.” I still didn’t talk to him, just gave him a look like, Dude, you’re the ONLY ONE talking right now.
After like the 6th “shut up” and other random statements I couldn’t make out from him, I finally said the only thing I would say to him the entire night: “If she’s in the same boat as me, you should understand.”
He responded with other things I couldn’t hear. But what was my darling Mr. W doing the entire time this was going on? Loudly shushing ME. That was most of the reason why I couldn’t hear what the other guy was saying.
“Thanks for getting my back, as usual,” I said sarcastically to Mr. W when the two people in front had turned back to watch the stage. We had a short argument about the situation, him saying that they were just moving over for a better view just like I had just done so I shouldn’t get all bent about that, me saying I didn’t give a shit about the moving over, it was HIM that was upset they moved and I was just commiserating with him and the guy was the one who turned around and instigated something with ME and it’s nice to know that if I were ever involved in a physical altercation that Mr. W would hold ME back and let the other party punch me. Mr. W kept insisting that I cussed them out when they were just moving over when I could’ve just fixed the situation by moving yet another seat over myself like we had ended up doing, and he was just not getting that it’s about backing ME up and had nothing to do with wherever the hell other people were sitting. I was pissed that someone else could instigate shit with me and he would blame ME for “ruining his day” and going into a speech about how he was so tired of people ruining his life and ruining his day, when I don’t think I should have to bend over and grab my ankles when some guy wants to be an ass. I was not the confrontational one here.
I was so pissed the entire night that when composing this post in my head, I fantasized about downgrading Mr. W’s nickname from Mr. W and instead calling him the GID, the guy-I’m-dating, just in this post.
BTW, the girl didn’t get involved with creating nasty stuff, but she didn’t shush her man, either. Even if she backed him silently, she still backed him. He owes her some loyalty points. Wonder what that feels like.
My wish: We’ve fought about similar things before (him not backing me), and like I’ve told him in those arguments, I don’t need someone to fight my battles for me and I don’t need him to come to the forefront swinging a sword, but I would like him to at least STAND BY ME and not go against me in public and slide into “poor me, I’m such a victim” mode when someone started shit with ME.
I can’t believe the guy told you to “shut up!” Hello! You are a stranger, who talks to people like that? Especially a stranger who is a FEMALE! WTH? WHere is his manners? What he could just say jokingly that he is tall and apologize for the inconvience? Or something along those lines? Or he could have just kept his mouth shut.
I think it is VERY important that in a relationship that your S.O. doesn’t put you down and is supportive during any situation. If your S.O. is not satisfied with something, then wait until alone to address it and in the moment be on your side or stay quite. There have been times when I didn’t like something (ie. being the butt of jokes in a group and my S.O. saying them) and I just continued the rest of the event as normal and when alone addressed it and let them kno how I felt. Maybe your S.O. could do that instead of shhhing you in public and now making you feel like you are alone and going against two/three forces.
Cindy you are a very logical thinker and strong person. You view things from all angles! I know and trust that you handle situation the way the need to be!
Sorry you missed the show!
p/s. I got your back!
I think Glenn would have punched the guy. I’m not sure if I would be up for a physical altercation at the Cirque though.
Vicky – They would have made the evening news and then been FAMOUS! j/k
The situation should have been nipped in the bud as soon as the guy opened his mouth towards you. unecessary disrespect. nonetheless, it sucks not to have any support. especially in front of a bunch of strangers. I think you have every right to be upset.
??? how was HIS night ruined because of you?…I’m not following?
1- they initiated and escalated the situation. 2- if anything – from the sounds of it, you diffused what could have been a bigger altercation or ‘scene’ by NOT giving in and saying anything back…he should be proud of you for that
3- HE ruined it by his reaction. had he just sat quietly and carried on, he wouldn’t have needed to go into the tirade of ‘everyone ruining my day’
i agree with Gen Hummel: you have every right to be upset
i’m trying to resist saying something snotty about humankind in general these days, but i can’t. the truth is people are becoming really gross, in appearance and behavior – so much that sadly, i’m not even shocked that someone had the nerve to be so disgusting to you in public.
just consider that this battle went relatively well for the jerk. but one day he’s gonna meet his match – because for every Mr. W who shushes, there’s one that will punch this jerk’s lights out if he even looks at his lady sideways.
cheers!
wow…I would have lost my mind over some shithead even point his finger at my girl…much less telling her to shut up. That guy sounds like a real psycho though. A physical altercation wouldn’t have fixed things, but he should still back you up even if you were wrong…for the record, you weren’t.
I hope you come to some sort of compromise about GID taking up for you. My ex husband was the same way. He would always take up for the OTHER party. I know I couldn’t have been wrong THAT many times. Mostly he would sit back and not say a word and just let people run over me.
I am in awe that the guy told you to shut up multiple times. I was trying to imagine if this had happened in Tennessee. Someone would have lost some more teeth probably ( you know us hillbillies don’t have a their full set). lol
Feeling you pain…sounds like some wine…
Girl, what the f*ck?! I am angry for you reading this post. How does a complete stranger point his finger at you AND tell you to shut up?! He needs to learn some goddamn manners!! And I can’t believe your man did not punch him in the face!! AND!! AND!! I can’t believe you didn’t punch HIM in the face for not sticking up for you.
I think you should punch him in the face then get mad AT HIM for bruising up your fist and having you break a nail while punching him in the face.
*whew* Glad I got that off my chest!!
Ok Cindy, if you ever see this guy again it would seem that you have your own little army at your disposal. I feel sorry for the next jack off who disrespects you. P.S Dwaine a physical altercation would definitely teach the butt head a lesson, providing you kick his ass 🙂
TBG….I was trying to take the high road, but you are in fact correct. 😛
Vanessa – several people have talked to me and said the same thing you did — that you back the person you’re with in public and if you have a personal dispute about it, you take it up in private. But you don’t give strangers the unearned benefit/respect of taking their side over the side of your s.o. Who would you have to deal with again, anyway, your s.o. or the stranger? The result, like you said, was that I found myself alone with my man protecting strangers. And I wasn’t even the one who instigated. Thanks for having my back, I know you always do.
Vicky – I’m not a proponent of physical altercations, either. I’m also not one to get into one, nor would I ever instigate a physical fight and then demand that whomever I’m with get involved. Which is why it was disheartening that someone who I thought knew me didn’t give me the benefit of that doubt, to know that I’m not one of those women to get in a stranger’s face and then go running back to her man demanding he resolve it.
General Hummel – Thank you for understanding my shoes. I know Vanessa is in good hands with you. 🙂 I don’t know if you men know how important it is for a girl to feel safe around a guy, knowing he’ll be her champion if push came to shove and that he’d protect her.
K – I counted off 4-5 past situations where people started shit with me, I did not take kindly to it, but the situations were somehow turned around and perceived by him as my victimizing him. I think he is generally just very aware of his own displeasure/inconvenience just like last nite, when he had other areas of his life giving him stress and he reacted by perceiving the Cirque situation as another event in a giant conspiracy of people all after him. Which, unfortunately, leaves me feeling alone.
a – You’re right about humankind’s recent decline in both appearance and behavior, but I’m also thinking it’s American humankind. I think the gap between lower class and upper class is getting wider and people are having kids before they’re able or willing to raise them properly. But that excuse doesn’t lend itself to the two people at Cirque; the guy was a pretty well-dressed and clean-shaven white guy in his mid-20s in an untucked dress shirt; the girl was a robust unpretentious-looking white girl in a sweater, bown hair simply clipped up in a makeshift bun, glasses. I mean, they didn’t look like uncouthe people that Flat Coke jokingly describes from Tennessee. And YET, it’s apparent to me that the guy is used to going around starting shit with ANYONE, and that most people back down, or enable his bad behavior like Mr. W did. He apparently has not gotten his ass kicked enough in life. I’m very proud of myself for not having done the perhaps expected-little-Asian-girl thing, which is just sit there quietly and take it, and I also don’t think I went overboard, either. I never instigated any conversation with them nor any gesture of any type. I think if I just sat there and folded, that I would’ve regretted it my entire life. I think back to my childhood when I was picked on, and even in recent past where I let people treat me like I’m inconsequential and disposable, and I’m just so angry at myself for not valuing myself more at the time.
Dwaine – I’m with you — I didn’t want nor expect a physical altercation, and I wouldn’t have induced that. The guy does very obviously have an anger management problem, like losing it and telling a (female) stranger WHO ISN’T EVEN TALKING and had NEVER talked to him to “shut up” 7 times. Yup, I would’ve appreciated some backup. It meant a lot to me when you told me last nite that it took you awhile to read thru this post because you were so offended by the guy’s behavior you had to stop a few times, and that you were so angry for me that you couldn’t make any more client calls after reading this post. I felt loved. 🙂
Flat Coke – no compromise…he’s not up to talking about it. We really didn’t see or talk to each other yesterday, either, and I respected his need for space. I’m sorry that you’re still hurt by your ex’s past failure to make you feel important and protected. Way ahead of you on the wine…Dwaine and I had both white AND red last nite. More is imminent.
X-GF – Although I’m not one to punch anyone who isn’t in martial arts attire and standing with me on a mat, I AM in just as bad a place mentally and emotionally about all this. I’ve been having physical reactions to all this, feeling sick, febrile, nauseated, loss of appetite, blood pressure way up. It’s been a long time since something psychological/emotional manifested itself in such a physical extreme, so it’s not been good. I hope it doesn’t take punching someone out to feel better, but you made me laugh and THAT made me feel better.
TBG – I love my army. They’re not mindless thugs just thirsty for a big fight. I am grateful to everyone who feels the desire to attack some injustice.
Thanks everyone, and also thanks to those of you who are talking to me for the first time in order to voice your support. I hate to use the cliche phrase “this means so much to me,” but really, it does. Your rationales and support really do.
hello,
I’ve been reading your website for a long time and my first reaction to this post is – I’ve got to say something. I agree 100% with Vanessa that even if your man disagrees with you, he must stand by you in public. It doesn ‘t matter if he has had a shitty day or not. He’s absolutely wrong and I call him on it! And I rarely make an absolute statement!
Hi idlehouse! I’m glad to finally hear from someone who’s shared little pieces of me for “a long time.” I keep hearing that thread, about forming the appearance of a united front with your loved ones. I think that’s emerging as the biggest problem in this set of circumstances.
Sweetie, with all love, I’m with Mr. W.
The tall guy was a dick but you were first.
Your first comment was rude. Your second would have ruined the evening for me even if there had been no fallout. I’d have taken you home on the spot.
Though the tall guy overreacted, meeting an imbalanced person in a public setting is not surprising.
As for the “he should stand by you no matter what” business, please. Earth to Cindy. (To be fair, though, my wife said that when she was young and foolish, too.)
I’m surprised at you. These are not close calls.
We should talk. If you’re still talking to me, let’s do the Cheesecake Factory.