Fri 7 Mar 2008
This is what’s called a cheap cop-out post, friends. I admit it. I don’t have much drama to write about because the biggest dilemma in my life right now is whether to cut 30 people off my wedding invite list so that I can save $3000 to make my budget. I was talking to college roommie/bridesmaid Diana about this yesterday and she said 30 people is a lot to cut. So I floated the question: assuming I get a bartending job that brings home $300 in tips each night I work, how many nights would I have to work to pay for these 30 people? Diana said ASSUMING I could get that much in tips, I would have to work 30 days, because $300 pays for 3 people. And then I felt like “Schindler’s List” and had to stop. “This lapel pin…if I sold this lapel pin, 7 more people.”
WAIT a minute. I just realized she did the math wrong. If I bring home $300/night, and that’s 3 people, then I only have to work 10 days to bring home $3000 for 30 people. I can bust my ass for 10 nights. Or sell my ass on the side. Or, just sell my ass, period.
I am making WAY too many prostitution fundraiser jokes.
Okay, now the cop-out part of this post, today’s lawyer joke left on my desk:
Attorneys Jones and Smith were arguing over whether sex was work or pleasure. Being unable to reach an agreement, they decided they would ask their paralegal to decide the issue.
Upon explaining the question to their paralegal, she thought for a moment before responding, “Why, it is definitely all pleasure.”
Smith, who’d felt it was work, asked, “But how can you say that so quickly?”
The paralegal just smiled and replied, “Why, that’s easy. If there were any work involved, you’d have me do it for you.”
You could always pimp out Dodo. Hey, why not have a garage sale? That way you and Mr. W. can get rid of stuff, since you will soon be combining two homes into one and will make a little dent on the total.
Work it…work it…work it GURL!!!!!!!!
I say cut 30 people. Glenn and I also volunteer to forego our dinners. I can have Glenn grab us a burger on the way over. (I don’t think you’d be okay with Glenn and I not attending.) Also, did you know that your liver regenerates? Maybe selling a lobe of your liver on Craig’s list would work; I’m sure you can get $3000 for your relatively healthy alcohol-free liver.
On a more serious note, having a garage sale sounds like a really good idea. Just don’t let my dad know about it or all of your old stuff will end up at his house. One man’s trash is another man’s teasure!
Let me know if you need to cut me BEFORE I buy tickets little sister!
I think if you and Mr. W stop eating out so much you might save some mulah. I can’t tell you to stop smoking, you don’t smoke.
I think Dwaine should have a fund raiser for you…
I could set up lemonade stands?
I just though of another idea… you could like stamps and envelopes for people. I always see those ads, but don’t recall if they pay a lot. See you can make it a family thing and have Mr. W, his kids and you do it as a “bonding” experience! 🙂
I have a friend that passed out yellow pages for money. It was GREAT exercise, walking door to door, PLUS working the biceps lifting those heavy things…AND she made some $$
If you need to take me off your list, it’s ok. I’m not sure that I’m going to have the funding to fly out and stay. But will you please send me a pic of what the invites LOOK like…I love wedding stuff!!
Vanessa – I’d have a garage sale, but I think Mr. W is too lazy to do one; he’d rather just throw out or give away stuff.
Vicky – Seriously? You’re for cutting 30? 30 really is a lot, tho.
Don’t you and Glenn DARE go there and not eat!!! And how’re you not going to go when you’re MOH?!
Hmm, maybe I’ll just U-Haul my stuff to your dad’s house.
Jordan – YOU’RE not gonna be cut, you dork. I may cut your date, tho. heh heh. And we DON’T eat out!!
Yeah, go set up some lemonade stands. That’d be worth it for the photos alone.
Vanessa – those are scams.
Flat Coke – As much exercise as passing out yellow pages are, I think I’d make more money bartending.
I’m working on not having to cut anyone. (But HEY, you have enough funds to go to Clearwater, FL again for a week in May!) Thanks for the offer, tho. It’s okay if you can’t make it, but I’d prefer that to be your choice rather than mine.
Hey, you should apply at Dave and Busters! They make great tips and it’s not super loud like a club, so you won’t lose your hearing.
ya know…that sounds like a great idea! And because D&B has to be a kid-friendly environment, there won’t be as many drunk jerks trying crap, either. AND…there’s one at the Irvine Spectrum, which, as it turns out, may be close to where we’re moving to. THANKS!!
Oh, and the not losing my hearing is very appealing, too. Haha!
I tell you, nothing is worst then when you come out of a club and there is this ringing in your head for a hour afterwards… try sleeping with it, it’s almost impossible! And the permanent possible damage can’t be a plus!
This is a subject that is dear to my heart as my wife and I were victims of the typical parental request to invite someone we never met, you know they just “had” to be invited. We ended up with 300 people on the guest list. Only 275 showed up which meant I had to eat (I tried the best I could by the way) 25 no shows at cost of $1250. That money could have paid for some nice houseware products or an upgrade to a balcony for our honeymoon cruise. I always tell people to invite close family and friends that really want to be there. If you don’t recognize the name, they are out of there. Then there is the pure economics of the wedding, my second suggestion; if a couple does not give a gift that is at least equal to the price I paid to have them stuff themselves, I lose money on that deal. That may be mean, but when you are opening your gifts and find someone gave you a crappy $15 clock from Target and you paid $100 for them to eat, it starts to piss you off!
Vanessa – I believe you! This is why I don’t like clubbing. One of many reasons, actually.
Bryan – You mean 25 people rsvp’ed but just FLAKED?! Oh, no no, that is NOT acceptable!! I’d be doing friendship house-cleaning if that happened to me and the no-show ppl didn’t call first to give me the opportunity to tell the caterers to eliminate them from the day. My parents aren’t pushing too many of their people on us (the beauty of paying for the wedding ourselves), and no one on my side of the guest list are people I don’t know or didn’t grow up with as far as family friends go. Oh wait, one person. But that’s not bad, and per Asian tradition, these people give hard cash for weddings, so your 2nd concern is alleviated in this situation, too. You see why it’s hard for me to cut. I’m already down to the people who I’d want to see there. I’m pretty resolved to make up the money somehow. But if I bust my ass in a 2nd job to get people in, AND they flake, OR they give me a $15 clock (which is a severe bad luck gift per Asian superstition, haha), you’re gonna read about it here! Haha!
No call no show, these were people outside imediate family and friends. They are dead to me!
The wall clock was not even the worst gift. We actually had someone give us a silver platter that still had the gift card that THEY received for their 25th wedding aniversary in it from somone else at our wedding. I love my regifting in-laws, they are the best.
I am sure you will have a beautiful wedding no matter how many people are there.
You hit all the wedding gift cliche nightmares! I don’t know whether to be horrified or to laugh.