I was IMing with a girl friend of mine last nite about plastic surgery. I said that if I were the plastic surgery type, my most likely procedure would be the tummy tuck. She said she’d get her boobs enlarged. Which reminded me to tell her, “Dude. My boobs shrunk at least 1.5 cup sizes! And I actually can’t bring myself to care.” I personally like that now I can button shirts without things popping open across the chest (altho today I still needed help from a cleverly hidden safety pin) and things that fit my waist now finally fit my chest, too.

My friend wasn’t as thrilled, though. “WHAAAAA, me too!!!!! I don’t know what happened either, like within the last 2 months!”

So my theory: “Maybe it’s eating all the organic foods that’s supposed to be good for you.”
Her: “eff that!”
Me: “Turns out I’m only curvy cuz of the hormones injected in chicken.”

She also said she’d risk the possible paralysis from the botulism virus to smooth out future wrinkles with BoTox.

So our new motto that she came up with: “Vanity does a body good. F–ck milk!”

Anyone want a T-shirt to join the club?