A text conversation I had with Bat:

Him: Got your Halloween costume all ready??
Me: no…too lazy. what’re u again?
Him: A cow. MOOOOOO
Me: with teats?
Him: Yeppers. Jealous?
Me: only if u rig the teats so that if someone pulled it, milk would squirt out. can’t u fill it or something?
Him: Do I really want strangers pulling my teats?
Me: who wouldn’t?! u’d be a true cow.
Him: You want strangers to pull YOUR teats?
Me: ARE U CALLING ME A COW?!
Him: Nope, just sayin.
Me: ur udderly insane.
Him: Ha! Best pun ever!
Me: thanks! i’m punny.
Him: That was bad.
Me: ur just jealous. cows are like that. mooove on.
Him: You had a good first effort, then it was all downhill.
Me: hmmph. just cuz u can’t 6-stomach it.
Him: Erk.
Me: bovine.
Him: I can take my teats off.
Me: put it on your head & dance around! u can make a milkshake!
Him: Now you are just reaching.
Me: hay now…
Him: Bleh.
Me: oh come on, i know u laughed. i doubt you get usda prime entertainment like this from other people tonite.
Him: That remains to be seen! Aren’t you guys gonna do anything?
Me: nope. just handing out candy to the minute minions. of course, in ur case, u’d be a mignon.
Him: I’m bringing duct tape with me to SoCal.

Happy Candy-Gathering, readers! Drive carefully out there tonight, lest you inadvertently vanquish some little demons darting about with sugar highs.