On an online social forum just now:

Cindy keeps seeing signs everywhere that she shouldn’t bear children. Hubby claims it’s just cuz she’s “looking for them.”
Comments:
* Chad: The thought of you having offspring doesn’t give me the creeps or anything, if you were wondering.
* niece Jessica: I want another baby in the fam =]] Your next, so stop looking for signs
* Christi: like what?!
* me: Chad – does the thought of ANYONE having offspring give you the creeps, tho?
Jessi – you guys aren’t done yet with baby phases at your neck of the woods!
Christi – okay, it’s not so much “signs,” as information and experiences from other people (suddenly everywhere, it seems) that make me wince, whimper, and yell “uncle.”
* niece Jennifer: Well you had a little practice with Lydia and you did fine. Once you have that little one in your arms the motherly instinct kicks in and it’s the most wonderful feeling ever! I agree…stop looking for signs!!!!
* niece Jessica: And I agree w. Jenni…It will all kick in when you are holding our little cousin in your arms =]]
* Claudio: Just keep any future children away from chia seeds and you’ll be fine.
[Sidenote: yesterday morning I announced online how my chia seeds-in-boiling-water exploded in their glass container and gave me a painful red burn mark on my thigh]
* me: See!! There’s another sign RIGHT THERE!! *pointing at Claudio’s comment* How can I pass on my nutritional values to my offspring if I have to keep them away from chia seeds? *chugging another mouthful of warm chia, which I stirred this morning instead of shook*
* Claudio: Tío Claudio will teach nutrition and core strength training… He is allergic to diapers, however.
* me: Okay, then you’re excused from having to wear one this weekend when we run.
* Claudio: I better still bring it. I am really only allergic to children diapers.
* me: Okay, then bring me one, too. It might be a looooong run.
[Sidenote: See? What kind of mother TALKS like this?!]
* attorney friend Albert: Cindy: How’s this for a sign? My wife and I have 0 kids; and 5 trips to Asia, about 10 to Europe, plus excursions in the States. So, you can pay for day care and school, or pay a travel agent to go somewhere fun with the hubby. Just sayin’!
* me: that’s exactly one of them, Albert. We’ve got two 2-week vacays coming up and we’re thinking, “We have to make these ‘good’ ones, cuz after that, all the money will be spent on baby needs!”
also, a lot of people around me are having issues parenting teenagers right now. That scares me.
* Claudio: Albert makes a very compelling argument.
* attorney friend Albert: Every parent I know has issues parenting; nobody is an expert, and you just go in and do the best you can. The fact that you are worried and concerned means that you’ll do fine as a parent. I’d avoid teaching the kid about the chia seeds, though; they’d prefer pizza from Chuck E. Cheese.
* me: NO FAST FOOD!!! NO!!!
Cheetos, maybe.
I’m totally concerned. I have a feeling that, since I’m neurotic (*sideglance at Claudio*), that once I pop the baby out into the world, I will never sleep at night again. Even if that kid is 25 and living in its own residence. I’ll be up at night wondering whether he/she got home all right from work and/or a date and/or the bar, and whether I ought to wake up and drive over to the kid’s residence just to check and make sure his/her car’s there so I know all is well. And while I’m there I’ll just peek in his/her fridge to make sure he/she has enough food and is eating the right things. And I may as well check the closets to make sure clothing is sufficiently warm and also to make sure there aren’t things belonging to an opposite sex in there.
(my mom did that, altho she did it in the open)
* attorney friend Albert: And that’s where a good husband comes in; to keep you from going overboard. But, like I said, there’s a lot to be said for being the cool aunt who travels and does all sorts of fun things. Tough decision, Cindy.
* me: What if my kid hates me? What if my kid thinks I’m a moron? What if my kid picks up bad grammar from hubby and does away with adverbs altogether? What if my kid inherits the bad temper from dad and the long memory from me so it stays angry all the time? What if my kid wants to go to USC? …omg, I can’t even think about the last one… *sob!*
* Joe: What if he’s a girl and not a boy and really confuses everything? What if you don’t know you have had a kid until years later, oh wait that’s not really possible for you, however what if? What if you adopt? What if you don’t stress out worring about all those little silly thing and hope for the best, expect the worst and take it as it comes? It’s the biggest mistery. Maybe it’ll be a Gator?
* me: Well, that’s the kind of thinking you do if you know you’re having a kid. While I’m making a decision, I get to consider more factors. I’m okay if it’s a Gator, then Aunt Jordan can keep an eye on him/her. I’m NOT okay with it being a ‘Cane.
* Chad: What if your kid is completely neurotic and worries about miniscule details he can’t control?
* me: Oh, crap.
* me: See, I can prevent all this by not having a kid.
* attorney friend Albert: At some point, your kid will hate you; that’s temporary. The kid may think you’re a moron, and that one may be permanent. Adverbs are overrated; do you really want your kid to talk like William F. Buckley? Anger merely means you care. And you should get down on your knees and thank Providence if your offspring has the gumption and good breeding to wish to attend USC.
* me: It was sounding good until the last line.
* attorney friend Albert: See! You’re soooooooooooo ready for parenthood!
* Joe: Are you prego?
* me: Joe – nope. which is why I’m weighing this stuff on the pro/con scale right now, while I can still do something about it.
* me: I think a lot of this comes from my not being the type of person I think a parent should be right now. I ought to have my act “cleaned up” if I’m gonna be responsible for raising and being a good example to another human being, but I’m not sure I can, or that I’m selfless enough to want to.
* Joe: Ok I concur with that. Quit the crack and focus on life and career. Good thinking. Thats your 1st step toward responsible parenting.
* attorney friend Albert: I think that you’re trying to be perfectly ready to be a parent. That’ll never happen. You can’t be a parent, and be a perfectionist. Those are mutually exclusive. Your child, while a blend of you and hubby, is a unique, sentient being, with drives all his/her own. You will screw up; you will make mistakes. But, if you try to do the best you can, and you love that child with all of your heart, that’s all any child can ask of any parent. Just lighten up on the Trojans, and really rethink the whole chia seed thing.
* Claudio: You are sooooo not neurotic. *sideglance*
* niece Jennifer: Cindy no one is ever ready enough to be a parent. It only matters that you do your best. A bond between mother and child is a strong one. It is a love that is like no other. It is unconditional. I never knew I could love someone so much until Lydia.
* high school acquaintance Danielle (who has published books on pregnancy): Adopt!
* me: Joe – thanks for the support.
Albert – that’s actually…really comforting.
Claudio – >=6
Jenni – I think that’s what my mom keeps counting on, but knowing I’m not close to her scares me about my ability to be close to my future kid.
Danielle – I did briefly think about all those little girls in China nobody wants cuz they want boys.

…I think this conversation is still continuing. But I have a baby shower to attend at lunchtime.