A friend and I have been discussing lately what keeps people together as close friends through the years. Common interests? Common circles? Effort?

Mr. W has 3 people whom he’d previously identified as his “best friend.” One is his former brother-in-law, who we don’t see very often because their interests don’t cross much into ours, and when they have their wine events or superbowl events, they don’t invite us. The only “regular” event Mr. W and I throw is my July 4th/birthday bar shindig, and they came the first year but were out of town for the second. That family is still close with Mr. W’s kids (as the kids are cousins), so we hear of things and sort of trade checking-ups thru mostly Mr. W’s daughter (whose mom lives close to their house). I think the last time I saw these friends was when we all went whitewater rafting last summer. They do mail us Christmas cards every year; I’ve only returned the gesture once, cuz I’m horrible at card-stuff, even though I tell myself every year I’m definitely gonna make the effort to send out cards this year.
Another best friend is a retired coworker of Mr. W’s. She’s fairly newly retired, and she sort of mimicks the interests of Mr. W. When they worked together, he got into computers, she got into computers. He was into gaming, she got into gaming. They gamed all day at work, at lunch together, and in the afternoons. Then they went home and gamed online with each other. (That was a rough period, 6 months into our relationship, when I found myself completely replaced by their obsession.) Then he found an embroidery machine that would take any programmed designs you want to create or download from a computer. He had a lot of fun goofing off with that, and she immediately went and bought a similar machine. (Then she took embroidery classes, and traded her machine in for a larger, fancier, nearly professional industrial one. She retired around then and dedicated a lot of time to putting personal touches on her shirts. Now she’s using this amazing machine to start quilting classes. She’s loving her retirement.) Then he bought an iPhone. He showed it off to her and she very soon got out of her phone contract early and bought an iPhone. And then she outdid him again; she traded up to the new iPhone. Then he bought the iPad, went and showed it to her. It was a week or less before she bought one after seeing his. Now they get together for lunch or we meet up at the coffee shop for Rebecca and they bring their iPads and submerge completely into their iPad worlds (while I stare into space). I think somewhere in there she tried to follow along on Mr. W’s photography interest but it didn’t catch on the way the gaming and gadgets did. They’re both into the fantasy gaming/books/TV/movies genre, so they’ll get together for things like Harry Potter viewings while I, and best friend’s wife, bow out.
The third best friend is Mr. W’s former neighbor before Mr. W moved to where we now live. He’s got similar interests as Mr. W, but came with his own fairly advanced knowledge of the topics, so Mr. W trades info and experiences and ideas with him. The neighbor has taken formal training in computers, so they would get together and discuss things and revamp their desktops for hours (sometimes days). He’s also made a makeshift photo studio in his garage for taking portraits of his young daughter, so they discuss cameras and photography strategies. We’ve recently gotten him interested in eating better nutrition-wise, and he was a chef at some point in his life, so he tries to absorb and incorporate the new knowledge into what he does. One of the fun things about hanging out with #3 is that he’s game to anything you introduce him to, as long as you tell him you’ve tried it and it’s fun/healthy/interesting/educational. His response is usually, “WOOOOOW, this is SO good!” Or “WOOOOW, now THAT is INTERESTING!” And then he’d go and try it himself on his own, whether it be a restaurant or a new photography trick shared with him. Mr. W also sucked him into iPhone world. I think he’s on the verge of going into iPad world, too, but he’s waiting for the newest release of a future model. Mr. W and #3 used to meet on a man-date once a week on a set day, and Ann and I would go off and frolic somewhere on those days. We’d often come home earlier than the guys would, despite the fact that Mr. W typically goes to bed at 9p, sometimes 8p. He says he’s wide awake when he’s talking about or doing something INTERESTING, such as computer stuff.
Common interests, #2 and #3 have the most with Mr. W. But things in common, #1 wins — a longer history, relatives in common, the kids are related. But effort in maintaining friendships, #2 and #3 win hands-down. I even get texts once in awhile from #2, such as Happy Chinese New Year and stuff. So I guess it’s a combination of factors that keep friendships alive. Of course, also important — no backstabbing in their mutual histories. That’s how I drop off friends; betrayals and let-downs.

After her retirement, #2 joined the same gym Mr. W and I belong to. After a few months, she discovered the superior level of that gym corporation. With our lower-level membership, we can go into the superior gym, but we’d have to pay $15 per use. (Currently, Mr. W and my membership’s annual renewal is $49/year, so we don’t want to budge from that since the deal is now unheard of.) She fell in love with the superior level’s gym and upgraded her membership, calling Mr. W and raving about this club. She invited us to meet her there yesterday, and since Mr. W and I were introducing #3 to True Food Kitchen (“WOOOOOOW, I think this is THE BEST FISH I’ve ever had in my LIFE!” Seriously. Do yourself a favor, go to True Food Kitchen, and order the miso-glazed black cod dinner entree. You won’t regret it unless you’re allergic to fish or black cod or nutrition.) and he also has the same gym membership we do (following our lead, he got the same great deal we did years ago), we invited him along. And for the first time that I was aware of, the roles were totally reversed when we got sucked into one of their worlds.

Yesterday, what we walked into was the most glorious dream-gym. This is the ultra level, and there’s only one of them in California, and it’s less than a half hour’s drive from our home. Three stories of fitness equipment, more cardio equipment than you can count (well, than you’d care to count). Full-size basketball court inside, 3 squash courts, 2 raquetball courts, giant exercise class room with a glass wall with a view, olympic-sized heated outdoor-pool, outdoor jacuzzi and gas barbecue ranges, two sand volleyball courts (one in front by a decorative fountain lake and one by the pool in the back), private whirlpool, sauna and steam room in each locker room. The locker rooms themselves were stocked and arranged like dayspas with all the amenities you would need; blowdryers, brushes, lotion, q-tips, hairspray, towel service, flat-screen TVs, irons and ironing board. Lots of free fitness classes, and a full pilates class with pilates boards, all the equipment (for an extra $30 for 10 sessions). An in-gym restaurant and smoothie bar, 2 billiards tables, lounge areas with big-screen TVs scattered throughout. And then the very nice guy who was giving us the tour and information said some magic words. This gym is only “busy” at lunch hour when the surrounding businessmen in the corporate area come in for a quick workout, or many just for lunch in the healthy restaurant and to shoot a couple of hours of pool. Any other time, the place looks like 8pm on a Friday night in October. (Which is how it looked that Sunday afternoon.) I griped about the New Year’s Resolution Crowd. He said they HAVE no New Year’s Resolution Crowd. There’s so much equipment and free weights you never have to wait. And THEN, the on-site babysitting service will take your kids for up to 4 hours at a time, kids ages 6 months and up. SIX MONTHS! I asked if any of their trainers know how to work with a pregnant client, and he said there IS a female specialist for that. I was sold. Mr. W and I needed to get back in the gym (which we’ve been resenting and avoiding since the new year), and this gym solves all our current gripes, AND solves a future problem. The best part, they don’t have to change or cancel my $49/yr membership contract. They simply add a supplemental monthly fee on top of my existing contract, and I can cancel or freeze the supplement at any time without affecting my original deal. So if my fertility doctor tells me, “Stay out of the gym for the next 2 months,” I call up the gym or go online, and freeze the account for 2 months. I don’t get charged the supplement again until it unfreezes. Between this ultra level of gym and my level, there is also another level of semi-exclusive gyms that now also have access to world-wide. Plus there’s my existing level and the level beneath mine. So that’s 4 tiers of gyms and there are tons of new gyms now open to me, closer to home if I don’t feel like going to the ultra nice one to get spoiled.

Yesterday, after becoming upgraded members, Mr. W and I worked out (he enjoyed running the indoor track on the 3rd floor), hit the weight floorS, and then changed to swimsuits and did laps in the heated pool outside. There were other people there doing laps, but the pool was so big it accommodated all 4 of us (including Best Friends #s 2 and 3). I’m a crappy swimmer, but it’s supposed to be good exercise, especially when I’ll be too big to run, so I may as well get started now. Then we sat around in the outdoor jacuzzi for a bit before leaving. We’re going back today.

I’m so glad Best Friend #2 shared her newest interest with us!